Dear diary,
I'm back again.. I notice I have been keeping track of all my unhappiness rather than happiness. Perhaps happiness in life is really difficult to achieve in life. Although I always say "share your love and expect less in life" then you will achieve more happiness. It's easy and nice to be put in words than actions.  Another chapter of my story has been created. However, it doesn't seem to be a nice chapter for me though~ No matter which chapters I am starting or ending, there's always ups and downs, story and lessons to learn from it. Nonetheless, I'm still trying to learn and be positive, exploring and controlling my own emotions. Did plenty of reflections by questioning myself. In 2013, it wasn't a good year for me. Neither 2014. On the very first day, many things happened. Heartaches, weak health, and many incidents occur. The worst thing happened that day was "my mom was hit by a bastard!" and I realize the bonding between my sisters and I has been a rupture. We no longer is as close as before. That hurts my mom's heart badly.

Sometimes, your heart needs longer time to accept what your mind already know.
1/04/2014 06:45:00 AM

Day 5
Today was the 5th day after the incident that almost breaks us apart. That day, everything was really ready to end our 4 years of relationship. Both of us did something for each other, I cooked breakfast for him and he got Mcdonald hotcake for me. I was choked with tears that I barely swallow my food or talk. For the very first time, I feel that the hotcake tastes horrible. Whenever I hear his voice, my heart hurts. He returned my house key and some cards under his name. I've packed his clothes and I keep asking him to keep Kaka company. Because my heart feels terrible and hurts. He decided not to leave and wants to put back his clothes. But, I've already place stuff in his drawers. I'll never forget how he held my hands, tightly yet gentle enough to melt my heart. Even so, it still unable to stop my heart from bleeding, broken, shattered and tears from rolling down from my cheek.

Then I realize that every time that I've fallen from all kind of situation, there's always a lady with a rough yet warm pair of hands that held me up gently. She always makes sure that there's a cushion for me so when I fall there's a cushion to protect me. She has the biggest heart. She never stops loving us, making sure that she would provide the best for us. Regardless where are we and what we did. I know that she will always be there.  I used to hate her because I'm the unwanted ones in the family. At times, I find her annoying when it comes to nagging. After many things happened, I've learned to love and I realized I gain much more that I deserve. This special lady has always been an important and special role in my life. Thank you, mom, I love you! Thanks for your embrace, love, and comfort. I will be stronger than before, so don't worry about me.

Before this had happened I had an unhappy day with people I loved, that's my sis. I loved her so much that I really put in all my love. Showered her plenty of love by organizing a birthday surprise. Even I didn't have much money with me, 
I still got her a Kate Spade watch all the way from US. That night I was just trying to be funny as usual. But I end up hurting both of us. I can never forget how she points her finger at me saying that "CAN YOU DON'T ADD IN THIS OR THAT IN THE CONVERSATION? IT'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE!" With her action, tone, and words, it hurts me so much, that I could feel my heart bleeding nonstop. I tell myself I should stop being a clown. I shall keep quiet and isolate myself. I guess the best solution is not to get interfere with anything, just stay away.



10/22/2013 09:38:00 PM

Heyya my emo blog,
It has been really a long time ever since my last blog post. I'm back again, full of aches, injuries and heart broken in relationship. Well, I've tried with all my might and things i could do. But, whenever we had arguments, he'd just ignore and doesn't bother to do anything. Even i think it was his fault, well who will think it's their own fault if is an argument occurs. I really tried my very best, seeking for his attention, love and care. Regardless how i wish upon things would remains and stay the same, I'm not gonna have it anymore. The promises and everything he did has just fade away. I've been living in our sweetest memories all this while in order to reminds me how gentle and sweet he was. With that strength of sweet memories, it manage to hold our relationship until now. In the sweet memories the most unforgettable was the day, it was raining heavily, he bought and hugged my food and ran from the bus-stop to my house, just to assure that my food is still warm despite the cold weather. He had a bad fall while he ran, when he arrived my house, he still putting on a sweet smile. I hugged him as i notice his hands are cold! Then he showed me his injuries, i was shocked, heart aches and melted. All this sweet actions that instantly melted me will never happen again. He hasn't been pamper me for a long time, perhaps he forgets i'm still a girl despite my age. I still need someone to pamper and love like a baby. Perhaps i'm complaining way too much, I just wanna let out some of my unhappiness and store those sweet memories i had for him before i forget how he used to loved me. Love, doesn't come out from mouth but actions. Regardless how bad the situation is, i gotta move on.. That's life! There's a meaningful quote to share "You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one".

I'll be back again goodnight! =)  9/01/2013 03:10:00 AM