Today, I super tired... But still have to go out.. Went Central @ Boat quay with Nee.. When we went there, half of the shop had no lights.. Also have those smelly smell of wire burned... However, There's nothing to shop.. Items was so expensive, TAKAI YO!! Then went to Kinokuniya... Nee wanna find dunno wad book.. Then i was busy looking for stationary again.. Brought a memo book.. Then went to AMK Central.. Brought the ice-cream dearie brought yesterday... Went home had dinner with my family then had the ice-cream... sono aisukuri-mu wa oishii desu ne?! totemo suki desu! Thn had some argue with him again.. He planned on the 4th & 5th take off then 1 whole week dun nid to go work can accompany me.. But who knows he didnt apply off on the 5th.. Just nice tat day my sis need help in moving house.. Now he cant... I really dunno lo... Then he said i dun understand him! YES! U R HARD TO UNDERSTAND @ LEASE I DO TRY TO UNDERSTAND U BUT ALWAYS INJURIED BY UR WORDS OF DON'T UNDERSTAND U!!!

To him:
You can't give me anything! Not any of your time, nor money or things i wants.. Now, not even your love, dote, spoiled on me.. I didnt ask so much from you right? I didn't even ask those from you anymore.. All i want is to be happy with you... That all i want from you now.. But, what can you give? No longer those laughter, happiness, sweetness... But Tears, Sadness & injuries from you! You destory every of your words & promises u made for me.. You even destory the dreams & wishes i had on you.. Is this you ways of loving me? cherishing me? Or hurting me? My most important day of my life! 21sth birthday.. I thought can celebrate with you. Just you & me.. But this small request you also cant make it! What else can i request from you?! I didn't even put any blame on you... I kept quiet as long as u can celebrate our 1yr happily.. However, all this goes in tears before anything... If i have to be with you for years, It means every year, our anniversary or my birthday, you can never celebrate for me or be there for me! Maybe your life will be more colourful without me.. More happier & suitable for you.. No ones add in anymore stress in you.. Don't have to take out time for me you can sleep all you want that no 1 will disturb you. Don't have to quarrel or cold war with me since i'm not understanding to you! I'm staring to hate police! Will my love for you staring to fade away? since i make this decision? Like what my both sisters said " This kind of things nothing to happy off.. He can make a sweet, happy, surprise day for this special day for you.. It doesn't means it's important to him! Doesn't mean he can do it for the rest of your life! Oneday, if he forgotton or didn't wanna do anything for you on these u known as important day, what will you do?". Every human will change! Just like how i've changed now & how you've changed now.. No matter how much effort i put in to understand you more or be more sweet to you, you won't appretite it! U still feel that i won't understand you as ever... YES! you might have unhappy & stress in your works.. But me? I also have stress, unhappy in you! All i can is endure to let our r/s last long.. All i can is waiting, wish, hope.. You know how hard & pain for me to take all this from you? Do you really understand me? I so protective of you towards anyone.. But you can injure me how you want to! Without me, asking you to read my blog, find out what happened to me, you will read go get into this web! Perhaps, it's time for me to let go... Really let go! I know, If 1 day, i were to leave you, you won't do anything to stop me nor do anything for me... For who i am! At lease do let me feel i'm really being cherish by you! Loving Always! If 1 day, this blog stop updating, it means there's no more story of HURTS & QING!

("v") Will there have endless story of us? Or will our story end someday? ("v") 3/27/2007 11:40:00 PM

Woke up around 10am plus.. Then after he called me, and he had finish his photo taking.. Thus, he meet me at my house.. I quickly go bath & get ready.. Dolling myself up.. When he reached, i still busy dolling myself... Then he said "i have a surprise for you!" I quickly drop down whichever things i was holding and replied "What is it?". He took out a box of mochi ice-cream from his bag! OMG! Aisukuri-mu wa totemo oishii yo! watashi wa sono aisukuri-mu ga suki desu. After eating, continue with my make up.. Then When to Ps have our lunch at KFC.. After lunch, we walked to The Cathay.. When reached, watch Mr Bean @ 3pm.. We was looking around for the room. We don't have enough time thus, Dear went to asked the person who sell the tickets.. Finally know where it is... The show was okay.. Not really funny however, both of us were busy eating kajiang puteh! After the movie, we went to get another tickets. Gonna watch another movie, Mutant @ 5.20pm.. As we wont be so free to watch in future.. He doesn't have the time for me.. The ninja turtle was better than Mr Bean.. Ninja turtle was alittle more touching for me =x After show, we went to PS wanted to take photo. However, there's no those machine @ PS anymore. Thus, we took MRT to Somerset. Suddenly i start a topic on my hair.. Wish he will give me some comment.. But he didn't everythings say dunno.. Cant he take any decision for me? Always i decides it's tiring! When to Hereen and take photo.. Then went to Cine Leisure for dinner. Had Chicken rice & he had cha kwey teo.. Dunno how to say =x Then we went home.. On our way home, or having dinner, both of us were very quiet.. How i wish he would hug me tightly and asked me wad happened.. Even he did, but giving me those pissed off face... In MRT, he trying talked to me.. But i was the one didn't wanna reply.. Cause i dunno wad to say... End up crying.. before reaching home, our problems was solved.. However, i still feel empty in my heart...
3/26/2007 10:53:00 PM

whole day not feeling well... Didn't eat anything.. Just dun feel like.. Dunno why our r/s really gets worst! I hate the way u behave when i'm telling u those fault u were in.. I hate when u stay there dun talk.. i dunno just hate the way when we r having cold war... Even u were free, u won't find out wad happened to my life when u didn't know anything... I've cried, I've drink, I'm in depression... You just won't bother to ask... I just wonder if love a person, it's like will auto nervous about that person u loved.. Like wad u said.. U dun wish we to break up.. Yet u can't do anything to hold me nor control me.. Is just see that you want or not! Maybe i'm not that precious to you.. that's why u treating me worst each and everyday.. U always say where got?! But if dun have will i say this? In the past i do feel i'm being loved... But not now anymore i dunno wad u want! Why didn't u use all ur might to understand me.. I use the effort to change for you yet u didnt use any effort to see how i change for u.. i'm the 1 clapping without sound cause lag of ur hands... Even when i tell u someone likes me.. U will do nothing, not even nervous.. U always thinks that i'm yours without doing your part... I just wonder if one day, i really disappear from u... will u nerous? I really dun wish wanna think of regret! Regret of being with u again... From the look of others, we might be loving.. From the look of me, i think it's fake.. WE ARE NOT THAT LOVING ANYMORE! If this time i really wanna let go, i think i'll just do it.. Cause i'm really tired of... waiting, enduring alone, more patience... doing all this u asked from me alone! Yet u didn't improve but got worst.. Even if u does, it's just 1 or 2 days of sweetness...

("v") When the times u said me? u just nv think of my feeling but ur own.. Being with u just like i'm single no different u know? I'm asking much!! YES I KNOW!! Cause i need those to get back the feeling from u! My love for u is FADING!!!!!! even i tell u millions of time it makes no different, cause u will not do anything! ("v") 3/21/2007 07:32:00 AM

Today wake up around 5am.. Hmm went to the market with my mom.. After tat.. was at home busy playing game... Around 3pm met him up.. we went to buy the thing i need... We went to Central point, Robinson brought SKII.. Spent $145 on toner & cleanser... Then went to Daiso brought 2 pails, 2 pair of glove, 1 pair of chop stick, 1 bowl, 2 files, 1 photo ablum refill eh.. the rest i cant rmb.. only know we spent $20 over there.. Then went to Aussion brought a bee quilt cover @ $19.90.. End up left $5 for this week.. Still have to buy chocolate... Carrying those heavy stuff home alone.. both hand were red n painful.. Then rushed home, rushed to my aunt house... as her potion is done.. still own her $5.. Dunno y feel so sad.. He like didnt notice every movement of mine.. unlike the past.. when i'm down he will console.. now he wounldn't ask... Even i smsed him, he didnt reply as well... I really dunno n i'm really lost! Wad am i to him... He really cherish me? I dun feel anything even his love for me is fading.. i dunno wad can i do... i did wadever things i can with all my might... But our r/s getting worst... For him, he not only have no time for me or cant spoil me.. Those basic care, love and concern he can gave in the past, he cant even give now... it really makes me feels i'm nobody to him..

("v") Must you really treat me so badly as days passes? Can't u b that old boy i love madly, deeply & crazyily? ("v") 3/20/2007 11:44:00 PM

So tired after work.. However, i've brought 2 more goldfish home.. So Nana won't be so lonely like me... Ah pek help me choose 1 which i think is a female... I choose another smaller 1 which seems to be very naughty.. Both are lionhead goldfish... As for the name, i haven't think of it.. When i think of it then write down!! When reached home, went to bath with me sis =x After awhile, Dearie came.. Then we went to market area look for pails.. cause i wanna change the fish tank water.. However didn't manage to get it... Cause it wasn't nice and too expensice.. I'm going get 2 from Daiso... Cheap & nice.. Then we went to provision shop.. End up buying alots of tibits... i paid $20 the rest dearie pay.. lucky he only paid $1 plus.. =x Then he's hungry.. wanna go have our meal at Mac.. However i feel tat it's too expensive.. Thus, we went to market & have our meal.. Had $1.90 lasi lemak.. $1 logang drink... Total dearie spend $5.80 for our meals.. After food, we went home... SLEEP!! until 9pm plus... wake him up ask him go home.. Suddenly, cant find my key so everyone of us looking for my key.. Finally found it.. At the scott-tape box.. Then he went home.. i went back to sleep..

("v") If we could be this sweet forever! Wanna live with him.. this kind of life... Really wish.. Really want!!! ("v") 3/18/2007 11:36:00 PM

Wake up around 6.30am.. Then watch anime, feed my Nana.. Then went to market.. Brought a packet of carrot, 6 jambu, 2 packet of vegetarian bee hoon, 1 packet of tou hua, 1 packet of tou hua shui, 1 packet of glass jelly water.. Total spend $9.30 =x When reached home, all i cdan say is eat... After awhile, Nee goes sleep again... then i paint my glass.. I feel very sick & tired... Keep cough n flu... Got a little fever.. Feel very uncomfortable... keep calling him but.. he didnt wake up.. feels really sad... when i nid him he always like that... This 2 days, we didnt really communicate.. No sms, No calls again... I dunno... really dunno... Your words can it be trust? Your promises can i look into it? I told u i dun nid 1 or 2 days treating me nicely... I had a dream that we broke off.. will this really happen? watashi wa totemo kowaii desu!!

("v") Wad i'm asking from u is more care, more concern, more attention, more love & dote... But wad i get in not enough.. Mayb u will say u already tried ur best.. I'M LOST! ("v") 3/16/2007 11:39:00 PM

Woke up around 3pm plus... Went to buy a new fish tank for Nana.. The old ones crack already.. Thus, Nee & i went to Serangoon North to see weather got any round fish tank.. However, couldn't find any.. Thus, we went to Serangoon where i brought the old ones.. This time i brought a bigger ones @ $22. Then took cab home.. Faster change the new fish tank.. However, wehn i put in the marble slowly & gentle, the fish tank still okay.. When i start putting in the water, i heard a *piak* sound very loud.. When i finish refilled the water, i found another big crack.. Thus, Have no choice have to take out those marble again.. I put my hands in the fish tank as gentle as i can to take out those marble.. suddenly, the fish tank break into pieces.. Without any notice, my hand was cut with those broken glass... wasted so many money for my Nana.. Had no choice, went to my house near by fish shop.. which i always go, Brought a new fish tank for $16.. It was from Japan, and it's square in shape.. Also brought a change watre pump @ $2.. Should buy from this uncle.. He's nice.. Teached me alot of things about fish. And he sells things cheap.. Next time i sure go look for him if i need anything again...

("v") My uncle gave me $200 and i have already spend $100.. HOW? Life without money is so pathetic. Must save back those money i spend.. & our 1 year anniversary coming must save more money.. ("v") 3/15/2007 11:24:00 PM

Didn't rest again.. Waiting for him cause i making mayo egg for him.. Thus, called him from 7am to 10am.. While calling him, i doing my blog.. Finally got a blog belong to myself.. i made it myself.. Then back to making handphone strap... Hmm~ Around 12pm, he came.. ate the mayo egg with bread.. I was kind of tired but there's no place for us to rest.. So we played clay... Trying to make angel.. But it fails.. Around 2.30pm he left.. without helping me clean up the kitchen.. & he also nv help me wash my fish tank which he promise.. i was kinda down.. After crying, i went to sleep.. For the whole day, he didnt look for me since that incident. until 12.07am he smsed me...

("v") Why always have to put me in depression? Why cant u help me do things with your own? Must i ask the to move then u move? Since it this way, i dun wanna cook anymore for you! ("v") 3/14/2007 11:59:00 AM

12 March 2007
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Today, woke up at 5.30am... Played Audition. Cooked and finish up my TOU FU! Then, continue with anime until jie's wake up... Was about going sleep again, saw 2 missed call from him... Then i call back.. He coming down bring me to have lunch.. When to AMK central had chicken rice.. & long gan ice kajiang! Mom called and scolded us.. wad uncle no house to enter blah blah without making any sence, without checking out properly.. Was kinda unhappy.. End up Nee & i not going.. Then rest until 2.30pm went to bishan shopping.. restocked some food.. Dearie spend $19.90. Plus sat expenses, about hundered liao.. Sorry dear lets save money together for 1 year anniversary... Then he send me home.. Had dinner @ Long John.. Then brought a Mickey balloon for yan.. and 2 lollipop... Once i reached home, rest on bed n sleep like pig.. However, dear forget about his key.. After he reached home prepare, he still rush down to get his key from me... then rush to work... Sorry dear... made u in such rush.. Next time u got work better dun meet le.. dun wanna u to rush up & down.. It's tiring plus u also not enough rest...

("v") Feels happy cause i can feel u trying hard in this r/s now.. But hope it just last 1 or 2 days.. i wan always.. i'm greedy.. But if u too tired can rest too.. must let me know okay? Love ya! Looking forward on our 1year Anniversary.. ("v") 3/13/2007 06:08:00 AM

Photos taken: (It's incomplete, i will update the rest when i receive from her)

3/12/2007 05:55:00 AM

08 March 2007
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Today whole day didnt sms him or call.. Was kinda upset about asking me wait for him end up he went to sleep again.. Then give a excuses of i was sick! However, i keep myself busy.. Every night didnt wanna sleep.. Thus, i made a cake for tracy.. with a special clay.. Then watch anime with my sis till morning.. I dunno how! shd i forgive him after another? i was really disappointed with him! & know tat he wont bother to find out wad had happen to me... Even i record every of my happiness or sadness.. He wont bother take a look as well... Seriously i dunno wad am i to him? He will never nervous about me or i'll b leaving him 1 day... Will we hav our dreams to come true? Only wish he could do something again..





Here are the photo of the cake:

("v") I dunno how i can do to make him care & nervous about me... I dunno how long we can last?! Seriously, i dun wish to find another r/s.. cause i'm tired of it.. i just wanna stay with him always.. If really cant happen, i only can wish my life end faster! ("v")

3/09/2007 08:08:00 PM

07 March 2007
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Today, Sleep in the morning around 10am plus.. Then woke up at 2pm.. Get rdy to go out.. I skipped my appointment with doctor low.. Was pissed off with my sis.. The way she wake me up.. =x But after awhile i back to normal.. When we reached Bugis, she went to have her hair cut.. And i went to shopping alone.. Busy looking for Tracy's birthday present.. Got on mind wad i wanna get for her.. But hard to find! Reminder: Balloon, the charmmy kitty hp strap.. Who knows i brought alot of rubbish which is not related to wad i going get.. Those rubbish are: The memo pad, mini memo pad, stickers, charmmy kitty hp strap & earing.. spent $67.30! OMG! i over spent.. Then Nee is done.. she came to look for me with her new hairstyle.. I kinda like it.. Thus got tempted.. End up went to have my hair cut too.. Spent $47.33 on it.. >.< But happy with the result.. However, i still like the old hair style... Look more prettier.. After that, we went back to Ang Mo Kio central.. Shopped at NTUC.. Restocked alot of rubbish too.. Spent $89 on restocking food.. But we using $80 voucher.. Thus Nee pays $9 n the cab.. Wow! was so tired guess tonight sure can slp early... Own Dear a secret.. LOL! that secret kinda lame.. That is... "Dear i didn't at you tat day.. But i did feel sad.. Cause i really wanna see u.. I purposely act angry & ignore u cause i wan u to buy me a presnt.. which it hasn't happen very very long already.. =X" I notice tat my memory getting more & more weak.. Thus, i writting everything down just incase i forget...





Here are the photo of things i've brought:







3/07/2007 11:03:00 PM

6 March 2007
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Hmm! I'm back.. Thought i cant use blogger.. However today i tried again finally can get in! so happy! Ok doing a summary of the past months tat happiness n unhappiness.. The few months we not really in good terms.. Kept quarrel.. Almost break up.. But somehow we still manage to hold each other's hands till now.. 21 Feb 2007, NuiNui died.. I was kinda sad.. And it was buried my house downstair.. Hopefully she can rest in peace.. 24 Feb 2007 open a push cart @ The Cathay.. Selling candies.. End at 14 Feb 2007.. Earn back push cart money.. However still alot of stock left.. Hopefully can sell all out.. Chinese New Year got $250 ang bao money.. Yippy~~ 27 Feb 2007, brought a new jeans & blouse.. Had a lunch with San Kim.. It's her treat.. we had Ramen ten @ Far East Plaza.. Then Met Dearie in the late afternoon.. Took Photos & do some shopping.. Brought a Piglet for Yan.. But it seems like Yan doesn't like it.. Dearie promised me whenever i feeling down, he would brought a Sylvania toy for me.. Since the blog is working, i shall update my happiness again.. Btw Tracy birthday coming.. MOre event coming up =D Mata ne!

("v") Sigh! Hope we can hold each other's hand till the end! & myPotion Palace will carry on earnning money.. ("v")

14 January 2007
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He came around 10am++ then we rest till late noon... Around 5 then went out.. So little time, we went PS.. On our way, dearie looked wanna sleep so i asked him go home i go out myself.. end up he said ok~ when reaching Orchard he took everything with him looked likes really wanna leave me alone.. At that moment, my heart feels hurts and say.. wondering how could he do that to me... However, he didnt get off, he just joking with me.. But it's not funny... I even cried out.. He tried to coax me.. I still very sad as yesterday he already made me so sad already.. Then wen reached, went to have our lunch at KFC. After lunch, went shopping at Daiso, brought loads of stuff again... Dunno why dearie didnt help me pay any.. He just got his pay... But neverymind la~ Shd try to relay on myself more than others...After that went to had our dinner Toko ball for dinner... Then he sent me home... You know? He has already stop blogging his blog... Thus, our memorise no matter is happy, sweet, sad or hurtful memorise he wont remember anymore.. Wad can i do? Can't keep asking him to do it right? If i did, that would be a report not history of ours... Different feeling already..

("v") I know i cherish him alot but do him? He always said he does but if he does why would he hurts me so badly everytime? I dun bare to let go... Cause i wish we will have our future~ ("v")

13 January 2007
---------------Today after work, waited for dearie to come over... Asked him buy me bubble tea & tea left egg... When he came, both of those, he didnt buy but, he brought my 2 goldfish >.< So cute... Bloated goldfish.. Name those 2 sweetie, NuiNui is the 1 which backside is white.. Another alittle naughty ones named Nana.. Not long, dearie went off.. He is meeting his camp mates as they leaving their training camp so they having gathering... He forgot wad we had quarrel again... He went till 4am.. I was superb angry.. As next day he needs to go out with me.. Last sat also quarrel abt going out with friends until very late.. Plus going out the next day... i hate bring a zombie out..

("v") When can you stop hurting me after each & every sweetness you gave? ("v")

1 January 2007
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Then i fall asleep.. Around 7am, Dearie came back again.. Onces he saw me sleeping in my room, he hugged me & kissed me.. End up we cant sleep... Do those sweet things again.. Then both of us chat awhile until both of us fall asleep... Around afternoon 1pm then wake up.. Then we went downstair to buy food home... After lunch, Dearie went home... Then he didnt find me for the whole day i guess he really is very tired ba..

("v") Dear dun waste ur effort for melting me then destory it again ok? ("v")

31 December 2006
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Today dearie came to my house.. then we had some sweet moment then we fall asleep.. After that my mei came home.. i asked dearie go amk central to buy lunch..Had KFC.. However, the KFC eat Dearie money.. They didnt gave up wipped potato.. 3 of it were missing... IDIOT right? Once i doll up, then we went out to Orchard... Wanted to watch that movie Night at the Museum.. But didnt manage to see cause i wanna join his friends to have steamboat.. I really wanna eat.. When we went over everywhere was full... Thus we went to MS to have our dinner at one of a japaness resturant.. all of us having Ramen.. After dinner, we was playing guessing number if anyone got the number hav to drink the disgusting drink that they mixed... i guess but dearie drink.. LOL! he got onces.. Poor dear..All of his friends r very funny~ Anyway dearie next time bring me to soul garden k? I wan to have steamboat... After that we went to PS they walked to ps!! OMG half way, i surrender beacause i was wearing high heels.. Abit regret.. When we reached, they haven reach.. Thus dearie & me sat down and look at the fireworks.. So romantic =x Then meet all of his friends up at OCBC building... LOL! Stay there for sometime... Had loads of fun.. Then we went to MAC to hav some drinks.. Poor Dearie was so tired.. My heart so pain.. Then we went to Gerala to rest.. Let dearie rest on my lap.. Then slowly his friends came to disturb him again.. LOL! Then watched the movie Night at the Museum at 1.40am.. The show was very funny.. Then after the show, actually planning to wait for his friends but my feet was too painful hardly even walk.. So asked dearie to sent me home... Then dearie rest awhile.. I wake him up asked him to go had his breakfast as my mom going to wake up..

("v") Really happy that i had this special x-mas & New Year this year with you & ur friends ("v") 3/07/2007 03:23:00 AM