Last night told him i wanna go buy things today.. Around afternoon he called and asked if i'm awake he come pick me up... Then he waited for me at my house downstair for 30mins... Then we went orchard... Had our lunch at food court... Then Went to buy movie ticket... Brothers @ 5.25pm... We have enough time so i went to buy my stuff... Went to kiehls brough 3 things for $110 then went to brought my SKII & 2 blouses... Then met him at lan shop... After awhile, we went to watch movie... After movie, we went to have dinner.. he didn't eat lo~ i had my hokkien mee... He was sick lo~ After that he drive me home... but i went to 7-11 brought 7up & 2 bottle of rose tea.... then went home~~

("v") i dunno wad am i doing~~ I've already loset my sense le~ sometime i really wanna asked him wad am i to him~ ("v") 10/29/2007 11:10:00 PM

Thursday 26 Oct 2007, after doing those god stuff, salt came to fetch me... then he ruuh home, bath & changed clothe... I waited him in his car~ Then he went to fetch bk then fetch lee... Lee came to SG mah~ Then we met Uncle Aircrack at his house downstair coffee shop... Had drink & talked alot abt NiA stuff~ Then salt drove them home... Then bring me for supper.. I went to his place had vodka... He didn't drink~ But i was kind of drunk.. He saw gaming.. after awhile he went to slp~ I also LOL~ i sleep in his arms~ I missed those hugs, kisses & pampers.. His ways for *sayang*, the feeling is the same as QW gave... I really do love being pamper like a spoiled child.. Is this another no starting & ending relationship for me again? The next morning, he drove me home.. Then he went to work... In the afternoon i went to collect my vodka Peach... Then met quiting & her friends... One of her friend hav the same problem as me... Right now i very confused i dunno wad to do... I dunno wad am i to him... He also keep telling me how bad he's.... He say he still got other 2 girls i also kind of =S (hardly describe the feelings) Now, i think he's trying to avoid me or are we shy or he dunno how to face me or am i being too sensitive? Not much contact also le~ wad he treating me as? URG! i dun wanna think anymore

("v") Am i being stupid? I dun wanna be good girls anymore.. I decided to changed myself~ i've already lost my sense & myself i dunno who am i right now... To let go or? i really dunno~ Mayb let time tell me the answers ("v") 10/27/2007 05:02:00 PM

missed him alot... Met salt today again at AMK central had his dinner and i hav my drinks... Then we went arcade play some game then he drove me home...

("v") I feel happy with him than him nowadays =S ("v") 10/23/2007 11:48:00 PM

22 oct 2007
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Today played css until evening time... Had 2 bowl of green bean soup for breakfast & lunch~ LOL! Then met salt for movie @ cathay.. Watch Resident Evil @ 9.30pm.. was scary la~~ In the movie i keep on shocked... LOL! Sigh~ If were him, i guess i will grab his hand tightly like i always do when watch scary or exciting movie.. LOL! i grab my hp very tightly lol so scary la~ After show, we went to have supper @ my house nearby MAC~ then reached home continue play css again XD

("v") I find that life without you was so meaningless... I missed you badly! Wish you could bring me for movie like before ("v")


21 Oct 2007
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Reached home from work around 12.30pm... Then bath & play css afor awhile... Then rest myself... hadn't rest well for sometime le... dunno y i always slp 2hrs then get up and couldn't back to slp again... At night, met Salt & bk for supper....Had swensen it's BK treats.. Well thanks alot.. Next time i'll treat u back.... =D reached home around 5am... Then continue play game for awhile... After that chatted on fone with salt XD

("v") I'm alone.. Treat it as giving me & him a chance to see how deep is our love... Will i able to hold on & wait? ("v") 10/23/2007 12:38:00 PM

finally we decided to let go... Mayb let each other rest or~~~ I dunno if i've made the right choice.. But somehow i feel much lighter.. Why i make this decision is becos our condition already bad enough if just endure & still holding on it might get worst... Hurting each other more... So i feel that i shd set him free... Let him fly... If i mean something, if he cherish he would fly back... I'm also tired shd rest more le... Putting so much in this r/s feels really tired~ :P However i feel that, my health getting weak... every night, hard to breath~ every where pain especially my heart..

But now, i'm no longer lonely cos i hav a group of fun friends... All thanks to [NiA] i'm glad to know them & join them...

I have some ****ing for him~ But i dunno if i'm right or wrong~ I'm afraid i making the wrong mistake.. He keep scaring me say how bad he is... Afraid of hurting me.... I really dunno.. I scare but~ i can't get up of the hole already... Cos i'm always missing him~~ And i realise that alittle fond in him!!

("v") I can't bare to let go this r/s.. But i wan u to be happy! ("v") 10/18/2007 04:20:00 PM

i think i managed get half of him out of my heart.... And another guy had replaced that half side of my heart... I keep telling myself not to... Must learn from my lesson~ But now i'm less miserable le... That guy always chatted with me.. he care more than he does... He always console me... Sometimes i missed him but i cannot tell just wanna hide towards myself~~ i wanna b fair to both of them... Thus, keep telling myself we r just friends... Tot he always call me slave but he also call me princess... It's the 1st time someone call me that~ LOL~ All along he always accompany me play css, train or chat with me... Make me laugh until i cried... But last night i gets very down... Cos of him... His ex called him (i dunno wad's really happened) ended up making him wanna quit css.. i was so sad for 2 reason! I dunno how to console him or make him laugh~ like wad he did when i was down... Another reason is if he quit css i got no interest in playing as well... i can't keep him if he really wanna quit... i feel so useless!! Was like no fun without him anymore... NiA without him.... i dunno how will it become! I love it when he care abt me! I love when he called me after gaming! I love the way i bully him and he say me~~ But~~~~~~ i hav to control myself there's no reason i can tell him that i miss him when i hav my deardear already~ Thanks to him.. always supporting me asking me hold on... make me happier & less miserable~~ No matter wad faster come back to game okay? I'lb waiting for u master! Cos i wanna kill u, bully u!!! i feel really happy being with him!

("v") I'm in dilemma!! Hope i won't make any mistake! Really scare yet i dun wanna lose a friend like him too ("v") 10/15/2007 07:06:00 PM

i've been crying lately.. Since our relationship has change... There's no longer i can see our future... I wonder have u understand my feeling after reading my blog?! Somehow i wish u can feel my feeling this fews months after reading it... A sweet & considerate guy like you turn into into someone i no longer understand.. It's makes me speechless in every conversation.. I'm afraid i speak the wrong things end up our r/s gets worst... U know i'm someone speak without using brain... Am i really asking much? i just wan that old sweet & understanding guy i've met.. Is that really hard i'm asking from u? i'm in dilemma.. in this relationship right now dunno to let go or hold on tight... I'm struggling hard to get back the relationship and how we used to be... U hate i nagged... I didn't eally nagged much but~ the more i leave u alone it gets worst... Be fair to me can you? The guy who always worried & pamper me wasn't here anymore~


("v") We are not stranger, yet i'm nobody to you... Now you even wanna behave like a stranger to me.. Trying to aviod me! Is this kind of relationship i really should hold on so tightly? Is this kind of relationship worth me to put in anymore effort? I never know the answer cos... u won't let me know but run away!! ("v") 10/08/2007 01:32:00 AM

This is my breakfast for yesterday.. was delicious.. i had baked potatos with bacon & cheese, mayo egg, baked cheesy mashed potatos & hams

This is my jie's breakfast today... It's Mashed potato with bacon & chesse...

10/04/2007 10:23:00 AM

U alway think i'm like this or that.. But u nv really go understand how much i change for u... Like u always said me... Alway judge u another bad side of u... But this is the side u let me see in you... what u did to solve it? U keep everything towards urself and expect i can know everything!! U didn't even wanna solve it this time round... U try to aviod it... Dun wanna bring up... It's won;t solve... It's the 1st time i saw u was gonna fedup... The 1st time u did this to me.... U know u really changed alot? wad've made u change so much? Totally stranger to me?! If is this, i rather heart painfully, destorying my own future dream myself... And just let u go.. cos u not that darling who loves & dote me sweetly anymore... U now are just someone who is stranger i dun even understand a single side.. I dunno wad happened and why u changed into that?!! I was so looking forward when u were overseas buy me anything i would love, and our valentine trip on cruise and 3 years laters that promises we've vow! But it all turned to dust in such a short period!! Sorry i couldn't managed to hold on... I break my promise... Cos i dun love a stranger u But the sweet u in the past.... If i made ur life so miserable i'll set u free.................................................................................................. It's the end of our story then!!

("v") In the end, i couldn't save anything ("v") 10/03/2007 12:45:00 PM

Today, happened alot of things... went ot market with mama... Took breakfast with her.. then went home slp... In the afternoon, go NTUc with mei.. i was kinda pissed cos not enough slp.. after that i went to home.. carrying heavy things myself... Then slp like a pig... woke up have dinner.. suddenly & finally he replied me... the msg was like we gonna end this relationship i really hope we can go back to the old times...

After hearing wad my mei told me, i find that i was more sucky that i tot i was...I becoming more hating myself... Why am i like this!! URG! I wanna & trying to be cheerful and make myself happy... So dearie & ppl who care abt me dun hav to see me sad, cried most of the time... Telling myself to look on the bright side...But i still hate myself... Cos of me, i almost destory the relationship i treasure alot.. dearie almost gave up on me...WHY JUST WHY I BEHAVING LIKE THIS?! WHY DO I HAVE COUNTLESS OF BAD POINT THAT ALWAYS MAKES PEOPLE DISLIKE ME?!! WHY AM I SO SUCKS?!! I REALLY DO HATE MYSELF!!! Sometime i really wished, pray, hoped i'm gone.. So i won't hurts anyone close to be without knowing.... And dear dear will learn to cherish.... I wan our relationship to last.. i wanna be a better me... better daughter for mom... better sisters of my siblings... better girl for him... and of cos learn to cherish everyone i have... But i just too suck to do anything.... I'm trying hard too!! we've been together 1 & 1/2 years... can i still counting how long we've been together in future??

After chatting with salt this few days.. I've learn alot from him.... He's really a good friends.. Always laughed so happily... Make me laughed with his laughter & jokes.... I guess he's the only one who keep asked me not to give up... He always tell me touching stories... even his life story...

("v") wad can i depend on now? My simple wish & dreams of being his housewife is that so hard to come true? or am i asking too much? No matter wad SIYI must hold on... dun ever let his hangs slip off~~("v") 10/03/2007 02:37:00 AM