haha long time i hadn't update my blog~ and someone is nagging me to update.. so today i feel like blogging today on wad i'm doing recently...

Erm for him: i dunno wad to do le... i think his heart already replaced by someone else le... or i shd say someone manage to replaced me in his heart.. cold war... totally nv contact for the past few weeks... Hmm~ i dunno wad to do lerr... since he dun wanna me to bother him so... ok lo~ unless urgent stuff bah~ i've put in everything i can ler...

About myself: i dunno wad i'm doing past few mths.. trying to forget everything.. But it's haunting me most of the time.... Memories just hard to delete... Tears are hard to stop dripping... Numbing myself non-stop.. This round, there's someone for me again... U know who u are! He's naggy yet caring~ he cares alot for me than anyone else does.. Infact i can say only he cares abt me! but sometime i dunno if i can trust his words... Cos from my lesson, i just nv learn it to STOP trusting anyone... Can say i'm navie... Keep getting hurts from the same things... Hmm~ finally i've been to pub... with alice, brandon & cai yong... Hmm~ was damn funn man~ But i was somehow dead drunk! i dun even know how he came to pick me up... If without him, i dunno where i will b landed in.... when i read the sms i've sent, i dun even know wad i talking abt... yet he know... LOL! i wann go pub again!! i wanna b like Alice dun relay on any guys... But once i touch liquior i'll numb myself non-stop again! For now, i dun care wad i hav to pay in order to get back to who i am.. Somehow i've bcoming bad to worst.. Knowing Alice is my craziest life... Crazily with her... had loads of funn with her! After that day, i went to pub, i did something very bad.. which i nv did b4 to anyone... i dunno wad i'm trying to do also... make myself like a slut? or wad i dunno~ i already lost my sense! i really dunno wad i'm doing.... If he's back to my side again i will recover very fast... But after that he did the same things to me again, i will really go insane!! if not i think it takes a very long times for me to heal myself.... Actually i'm afraid to lose him... or his heart is with another girl... To me i will nv snatch him back no matter how much i love him... i know it's useless! If he loved the person and not me.. i will love him in the dark... and wish him all the best...Why is he always messing up with my life!!!

To the one who has been taking care of me for the few weeks:
Really thanks alot for this few weeks... I dunno wad i can gave u... but i think the way i repay isn;t the correct ways... really sorry ley~ i'm not a player!!... But i really dunno wad i doing... or wad i can give.. sorry dun blame me ok? i dun wanna lose a friends like u... That's the reason y i kept a distance from everyone.. especially NiA clan mates.... if u mind, wanna scold me also can... slap me wake up also can!! just to let u know that right now, u r the only 1 who is keep on holding me... for not falling to the worst~ Else i dunno where i'll be.. Mayb in my own emo world of darkness! Ur nagginess somehow saved me~ ur accompany somewad helps.. Your caring somehow makes me feels i'm better! Not facing the hurts myself! If i'm alone, i'll be hurting, torturing, numbing & hating myself even more!

("v") wad should i do... Anyway if u r reading this... i wish to say this... I'm really very sorry for wad i've done that day... i dunno wad i doing or wad! Also sorry for him... i did another bad things behind euuu! I'm afraid of hurting ppl yet i'm hurting ppl who cares abt me & myself! WHY?! ("v") 3/23/2008 04:00:00 AM

Recently, i keep drinking madly... Just to keep myself out from crying~ HA! i guess i couldn't wake up without him.... Nee went to shenzhen ytd 29/02/08. we grew up together nv leave each other side... was somehow very down for me... i couldn't stop her for her future.. i went to the gathering with ludi they all.. And met up neh neh for supper & dinner... on that supper & dinner i was drunk.... it's my 1st time drunk outside.... and now, i deceide to let go of him... dun wanna hold him any further.. when he wans his freedom that much... and i wanna destory wadever i hav now.. then destory myself... Guys or anyone who care for me... Just leave me alone... My heart is dead.. words just won;t reach my heart... let me hide in the darkness myself.. dun save me... cos i totally gave up on myself... i knew i'm no longer live in his heart.. I called him told him that i'm sick he just asked 2 question and then hang up.. Dun even ask why am i crying.... wad happened to me... even after his work... he wont make a call to me... i felt that really felt that... I'm nothing to him... even tot he's everything to me... so wad? so wad i missed him badly? will he miss me? so wad i loved him madly? I dun even worth anything to him! Everything he gave me... it's just hurting & a memory for me right now... He's too perfect for me now... Like he said.. he know alot of girls out there right now.. and they may b better than me million of times.. and also may treat him better than me in any ways.... My Hope & dreams has been destory! Might destory myself as well~ So wad if i loved him that madly? Wad i get in this story?

("v")Tears, hurts, heartbreak and death~("v") 3/01/2008 06:24:00 PM