Hmm~ is time to return wad i hav and back to where i am... Those which r not mine i shd return~ Back to the old hurtsgirl who hav nth in life~ and stop letting ppl know wad happened to me.... everything shd end here.. i'm returning everything to the god~ and left alone~ i dun wanna to make anymore ppl who care abt me pissed off... since i can't kick the habit away... so is better keep low profile~ 5/28/2008 02:11:00 AM

Not i wanna say but sometime i really feel that bother HER DAUGHTER & HER IS DREAKING DUMB! there's a stranger standing outside of my house door~ and her daughter call 4 me.. i told the stranger to go away~ he still standing scratching here & there! WTF! then her daughter saw her mom outside~ Her stupid mom also wont go away 1st until i chase away that stanger! then yan put her hands out of the gate~ DUN U FEEL IS DAM FREAKING STUPID! i really speechless.. worst part is my jie just put in her hands in and open the gate INFRONT of him~ cos our gate nv lock one... REAL DUMB RIGHT? then ppl will know how we open our gate! SOMETIME I FEELI like slapping them to wake up~ AND THE FREAKING YAN! DAM FREAKING NOSIY! wanna make my puppy wannna scream.. i really feel like shut her up! someday i will just lock her up with my puppy! 5/26/2008 09:01:00 PM

Hmm~ has been sometime my blog is quiet again~ here is some picture of kaka~ and some other craps~

aww! i miss all these!

KAKA! BITE!

Jinx & Kaka!

5/24/2008 10:03:00 PM

everything was a lie lie... in ths world, is covered with tears, lies, disappointment, hates and empty promises! 4get it if u dun wanna talk! JUST TELL ME! nvm! i will leave quietly! 5/23/2008 05:49:00 AM

right now i'm shivering~ hands and legs is shaking like mad... faster heart failure!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! heart failure and die!!! Hurts faster die die die die die die !!! why ur life is that hard? cannot die 1? 5/21/2008 06:43:00 AM

i think i really nids to say something very mean to him! either stand or fall like wad nee said.... the feeling is gone i hardly force it back~ no matter how he wanna celebrate my birthday for me.. somehow i dunno is real or fake~ I tot hav kaka, my life will b happier.. but wasn't... she's still not that sticky to me and under me like how angel does~ Angel still the best darling i ever hav~ i abit wanna giv up in keep kaka~ cos~ i very emo.. do wad also no life lidat.. but she was very weldome to my house.. and can counted as very obedient girl~ (dunno how 2 spell =x) i dun wanna abandone her like how angel was~ wish the time past faster she grow bigger and more fun~ can;t wait to play fetching with her~ She's too NUA! can active and sporty abit? =x sad my chivas finishing~ i think really cannot kick the habit away.. everytime i feel miserable and depressed i will turn up in drinking... but now i guess is better~ i dun drink everyday~ and drink that much too~ only 1 can or soft drink~ HAI~ My kaka is so clumsy~ keep falling down... And lastly! NEE JIA YOU!!! any xin shi also hav to endure!! when u come back sg we can b that crazy again~ drink tea and vodka together~ see u study like mad~ quarrels and argue~ play with kaka! I'm waiting! times fly~ 5/19/2008 09:54:00 PM

hmm~ kaka is better today.. and start to eat every rubbish on the floor~ it's like, the new vacumm! However, she has been very gd girl for the whole day... cos i DUN NID CLEAN SHIT AND URINE!! LOL! Hmm~ i simply hate the feeling~ is like the same story as before... the feelings of my friends being snatched! But this kind of things can't control de.. is time to let go has to let go.. else i'm the 1 who hurting myself... No point i cherish so much and so stuborn on holding.. If not urs never b urs.. BUt i just simply hate the feeling that i used to hav.. that y i wanna b alone and friendless.. thus, i wont feel this way anymore! i hate to b jealous yet i'm always jealous.. i know that jealousy is the worst feeling to hav.. It's the most ugly view of a girl~ But i'm a girl.. hardly avoid those feelings~ U are the 1 who told me... i suffered alot... and dun wanna b the 1 who treat me that bad! everything was just a lie~ 5/18/2008 07:47:00 PM

almost fainted! dunno why i keep eatting lesser day by day.. i really can totally dun eat... i think i hav to get 1 weight machine to put at home... for kaka & myself to use!! LOL! woke up at 5.30 to make breakfast for my beloved puppies... then mom ask me dun go work cos i looked superb tired~ so had alittle bit of css-ing then~ slp... for thw whole day kaka is behaving weird... then notice she hav difficulties in breathing... so faster took cab rushed to a pet clinic near kovan~ Hmm~ kaka hav to stay at the clinic but after 8 there wont b any staff around so i brought her back.. i've spend abt $100 today... met jie for mac.. i only ate apple pie and some fries... Hopefully my kaka is fine and will b active.. can't wait to train her... and she's simply too cute~ hopefully she's fun like the other puppy~ i call her she always dun respond to me.. like calling the wall sia~ sob~ superb tired.. gonna bath.. dam sticky after doing the whole housework... from my room to toilet~ right now feel like fainting~ he said wanna bring me for cruise on my bday.. asked me wad branded hangbag i wan~ how i wanna celebrate my bday... i replied as usual... dun wanna celebrate wanna hide at home~ lol~ 5/17/2008 09:49:00 PM

Hmm~ Am i still his bb? Hmm~ i wish he can be frank with me wad he's thinking~ i really wish to know the real answer.. dun wanna b that miserable like the previous r/s... i know somethings ons ur mind but u just dun wanna tell me~ after dealing with the 2 kidds.. i didn't mange to rest well.. thus, giddy now.. feel like fainting anytime~ hmm~ hopefully he will let me kow wad he's thinking and feeling~ and stop treating me so cold~ 5/15/2008 02:53:00 PM

Lets welcome my darling~ was headache who to pick~ 1 gentle and well train.. 1 fun yet naughty!! i ran up and down today... went to daiso buy some bowls, and some dog stuff then rushed back.. when my dog came... mom was home, i rush out to buy the dog bedding, accessories and some tibits~ spend around $250.. sob~






5/14/2008 11:13:00 PM

sigh~ china earth quake... but i think nee is still safe there...~ hmm~ it has been sometime we really didn't chat.. was trying hard to dun relay on some1... the more i force myself dun think, the more memories flashed back~ make me smile for a sec... then back to sad... with him around is already part of my life.. even i hav to prepare for the worst i feel that i still need him... i just feel lost without him... how to be sweet? how can i b a candy that melts a person heart? really bored of my life dun even feel like online anymore... things will nv get back to where it was.. nv be the same anymore... He's putting fullstop so i shd accept his signal...~ and stop waiting~ shd move on already~ then~ i shall try not to come online this often too~ shd i just avoid everyone and really left alone? do i really bare to let go this kind of friendship i've been wanted for yrs? I REALLY WISH!!! i'm a guy! so can b that close to them~ well~ i will change my blog link again~ haven think of the address yet~ uglytoadstory.blogspot.com? lovemenomore.blogspot.com? uglyrei.blogspot.com? uglyhurts.blogspot.com? dunno wad to put also~ head gonna burst.. tml will get my report of heart check up... hopefully is wad i wan~ i promise i wont afraid of the result~ 5/12/2008 10:57:00 PM

My dolphin's right eye dropped out! Aww~

My mom birthday... Poor her only 1 daughter sing birthday song!

hope my hair faster grow~ i wanna dye my hair~~

5/12/2008 04:01:00 PM

now then i know~ alot ppl viewing my blog!!! all along i tot no 1 viewing my blog sia!! and i forgot abt ting's bday~ Sry darling~~~ next yr i promised no matter how busy a bday card will send to ur house ok? hehe... I'm hungry~ and down and sick~ i wanna go watch movie.. i wanna hav movie outing but monkey say after 18 of may... got YY go dun nid aunty liao... wo kao bian zan liao~ sob~ had chat with kidd... OMG! so long nv chat with him... and will play css with him soon i guess~~ dun buwee me... i'm noob~ hai~ my css getting more and more suck liao~ how~ hai~ wanna quit now rong playing cannot quit liao~~ Hope ting can play too~ then got ppl accompany me liao~ alot alot ppl will know her liao~ i shd retired soon~ 5/12/2008 12:25:00 AM

I know there's something in your eyes,
I know there's something in your smile,
Makes me feel like loosing all my thoughts tonight, Baby.
Everyday i read between the lines,
Everynight I'm searching for your signs
You belong to heaven's gate,
Angel of hope~

I need you, you're always on my mind.
That's all you left behind,
my love will last eternally.
I need you, like no one else before
You're all that i adore
My love will last eternally
I need you

So many things i failed to do
One thousand miles i'd run for you
you're still the only one i ever need, Baby!
Everyday i read between the lines,
Everynight i'm waiting for your signs,
You belong to heaven's gate,
Angel of hope 5/11/2008 08:17:00 PM

Hai~ no chalet on ludi's 21st birthday... my plan was shatted... Aww~ wan ***** ***** with him~ Aiya! nvm.. hmm~ things r different now.. mayb he also not interested lerr... Awwww~ fever.... faster go up pls... i wan no sound also.... Ah~ today think alot abt the past when.... we meet up for dinner in a grp... hmmm~ chat on fone everyday... even when i working.... Just dunno why things turns out this way... i just sucks lar.. dunno how 2 manage.. 1 after another~ speechless liao~ really dunno how and wad to describe myself~faster get a job.. aug faster come in wanna go HK! ytd was waiting for his call until i really can't tahan le.. lol~didn;t slp well too~ today no strength to work.. whole body was aching and no strength.. muscle was like very tiring... can;t even lift up my hands... end up got burn by the coffee, soups.. and was drozzy... like gonna faint anytime~ hope i dio the illness from the kids... my mom was worrying abt yan.. cos in her sch got 2 ppl got it liao~ 5/11/2008 08:04:00 PM

http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.asp pls pls pls pls... dun ever buy these cruel goods... u r doing a sin~.. OH MY GOSH! i feel uneasy after viewing this... i can nv see these cruel stuff~ b4 anyone of u purchase thing kind of things.. USED UR HUMAN BRAIN TO THINK!!! If i'm a ghost i make sure i will huant them every night~ and free those animals!! Wish those flood... etc will punish on this kind of cruel human being~ 5/10/2008 06:13:00 PM

i was able sick and keep slping like pig~ haven been eating much recently.. no appetite... hmm~ ytd midnight start to fever.. hmm~ i wan no voice!! must scream more! my face looked so pale and shag.... LOL~ who will bother anyway~ hmm!~ i tired to vodka 100 ytd.. was normal taste but the kick was stronger.. dunno is it cos i'm sick that why feel that the kick is stronger... i only drink2 cups and KO! i wanna drink until smell of liquior will wan to vomit~ ok la~ gonna go get somethibg to eat.. gastric pain again ja~ 5/10/2008 05:15:00 PM

i dun call u? this is why! i knew we will bcome worst!! what to do?? u didn;t know how i feel this few days.. i concern and care abt euu, wad u reply simply shut me up~ make me speechless.... i dunno why u r lidis... and i know is all cos of me.. can't u b frank and let me know everything than nothing? i really sick of it le... MISS U SO WAD?! WAD CAN I DO? saw u playing i join the game, u would leave the game.... we seldom talk totally didn;t chat... u said cos it was bcos u r sick~ it's seems more like avoiding me! FINE i'll leave! i wont corupt ur life anymore... curse start to work~ shdn't get close with anyone! shdn't hurts anyone... shdn;t mess up with their life~ i asked mystic format pc is cos i really can't stand the problem my pc! was waiting for euu still... so ask him help me just format and use for the time being~ 5/10/2008 10:20:00 AM

hmm~ today mystic help me with formating my pc.. cos i really can't stand my pc slowness and giving me alot error and stupid things... but... after format.. i dunno wad to do.. all those things which i nid... wasn't with me anymore... like photoshop, Ms office, language bar.. and i can't find back my mouse sens..... wasn't prepare for formating and just do without thinking wad i nid... now my css abit weird weird de.. when i press tab, not use of the list so big~ and those special wording wasn't able to see... those website i also lost it... Awww! really dumb & stupid lor me!! But still nid to thx mystic for his help~ he didn;t slp yet still come and help me.. sry to trouble u... if not ccos of him who bomb me... i guess now... the basic trust i hav in him also lost lerr~ not even 1% ... why? just why? i nid to hurts myself and destory everything until not even a single 1% trust in him? i was really down! But was alone.. last night had a sweet dream... dreamt of a guy who treat me that nice and sweet.. like how he did..... i missed those feelings.. it's so sweet until i dun wanna wake up.. dun wanna open my eyes... it has been sometime i haven been dreaming something this sweet..... And recently didn't really talk to euuu....... i think gonna lost contact again.. another same story as salt.... In the end it's still the same... anyway~ will b sending back the sim card to him... not gonna meet up with him anymore.... hmm~ Tracy and Joanne? HA! i just feel that... destorying everything.......not even a single friendship... Wanna Mia until they also can't find me... i guess wont b getting another hp ba~ If tonight gonna hav sweet dreams again.. pls dun let me wake up... let me go off with the dreams~ Ytd i think was the worst bday for my mom.... 24 days to go! bad luck coming~ Jinx is here! 5/10/2008 12:31:00 AM

i wanna end my life! stop torturing me will euu? JUST TAKE BACK MY LIFE! i dun nid to b in this world.... bring me back to where i am.... just take back my life! and dun hav to TORRURE ME, or MAKE MY LIFE SO HARD!! just hope i walked out of the door step, fall to death... cross the road, bang to death.. when eating, chock to death, heart failure, slp to death... illness to death... anything u all choose! JUST STOP MESSING WITH MY LIFE! IF WANNA TORTURE ME, I RATHER GIVE BACK U MY LIFE!!!!! i really cannot take it lerrr~ REALLY!!!!!!! had enough lerrr... MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! let me live happily can? or take back my life if wanna torture me... Not enough of torture for the past 21 years? illness torture... Childhood nightmare, bias treating.. wad i do to deserve alll this? i've already had enough of nightmare and unbalance heart lerrr.... WAD ELSE U ALL WAN FROM ME? making me crazy and goes insane really make u all feel better & happy?! FUCK OFF MY LIFE! 5/08/2008 07:16:00 PM

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE !!!!!I'VE EXPLODED! EVERYTHING I'VE STOP DOING TO HURTS MYSELF IT HAPPENED AGAIN~ I ENDURE UNTIL BITE MYSELF! AND SHIVERING LIAO~ UNTIL REALLY CANIT STAND I BANGED MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL LIKE WAD I USED TO DO................ SCREAM TILL LOST OF VOICE! EVEN WANTED KILL MYSELF... THINKING OF CUTTING MY WRIST....................... I'M NO LONGER ABLE TO CONTROL LIAO!! EVEN NOW I STILL ENDURIND BITTING MY TEETH VERY TIGHTLY..... 5/07/2008 10:38:00 PM

just to let u know... euu are missed Badlyyyy!! i misseddd moii lamee, ccheerfull, owayss acct cutte mmei mmei... Thee hoouse iisshh quieet withoutt thee lamme euuuu~ ii'm goingg iisanne! Fasster gett urr ass backk! Withouut euu, is likee missing sommethiing inn myy liffe... Drink vodka/tea alone... bbathh alsoo allone!! crry alsoo no 1 too complain too... where's my ppartnnerrr?! Missed the dayss u at homme withh me doo stupid thinggs! i wanna eatt thee food u cook~~ Hearr the laughteer that used to havv at homme~ Thee timme we owayss emoo toogetherr~ thee hugg whenn u rr doown... thhe warmthh that urr body temmpreturre~ FASTER GET UR ASS BACK HOME! i niid ur hellp in findding the old miie~ I hatting myselff moore lerr~ nEe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sob~~~~ hate to bb aloone! 5/07/2008 12:47:00 PM

Alright! i've got the answer~ and i will slowly do it~ hai~ Dunno why i think back of the past... then go repack everything in my room~ until i found the musical box.. which one of my ex brought~ then notice he brought alot expensive stuff for me.. like~ diamond ring, diamond necklace, the musicial box i wanted for so long and has been out of stock for very long time, yet he manage to get 1 for me... then think of more things... Been with him, i nv worried abt money or the things i wish to hav.. will nv get~ wadever i wans, he will get it for sure.. Then notice i really take him for granted... nv cherish him.. when i was with him, i was always gaming and he was always alone at my house... i didn't even get some time to accompany him.. all i did was game game game.. and he pour water for me.. time for lunch or dinner he will go buy it and serve it infront of me.. i was stupid.. if i nv break up with him, i guess now i'm enjoying life.. wan go oversea he will bring.. wan anything he will get it for me... now even dun hav to take public transport to go anywhere.. But this r/s i was the 1 who destory it.. and he shd deserve a better girl too~ Once the feeling is lost, even get back it's always different lerr!! Life is boring~ the curse of my life is to be alone.. life really sucks~ Pray for the bad result~ pray for the bad new on 13 may~ I'm a failure! I'm sucks in anything, everything.. even in living~ And even drag ppl down with me.. or even slow them down... It's really sucks!! i really hate myself for being lidat! I wan the old me.. The 1 who hide and buried all the sorrow and unhappiness in heart.. Yet feel happy without acting... Why i cannot get the old me back... who able to manage how to handle all my sorrows and tears? This few days dunno y keep feel like crying but end up i go hide up.. or slp so that i wont cry out... WHY? just why i keep feeling my empty.... i think my headache is cos of myself! i'm thinking too much~ over and over again~ think gonna lock myself up again~ not gonna online... not gonna appear infront of anyone.. like wad i did the past few mths~ wad can i do to erase all my hurtsful memorise and pains? wad can i do to forget everything?! i really wanna sick for weeks... no strength FOR ANYTHING! then i can keep slping let the time pass without knowing.. heal without notice~~ my HEADACHE is killing meee~ Neee~ i miss euu~ T.T when i cried in the night u not there~ to crap with me, to drink with me, to slp with me....... to apply lotion for me.... and to listen to complaints abt life and unhappiness~ time pass faster~ If euu r back~ at lease i wont feel alone~ at lease some 1 accompany me~ at lease my heart is not empty... i changed lerr... know to endure, not to throw temper... u ask mama~ i nv throw temper on anyone lerrr~ the most i tell myself relax, endure or drink..~ I really feel like bursting soon i really cannot take it liao~~~~ wanna take more photo with euu when u come back to sg~ ok? 5/06/2008 05:52:00 PM

today, hmm i kind of very quiet... just dun feel like talking... alot of things flashed thru my mind again... suddenly i wanna learn not to envy and jealous of wad others hav... i'm chasing wad i'm jealous and envy of others and neglect wad i hav in hand... infact.. i'm just a dog.. follow wad others hav... to think back.. if i dun jealous and envy of wad ppl hav... i dunno wad i wan in life~ i must learn to see wad's near me and not too far that i dunno wad's going on around me... that y.. now i've lost everything i used to hav... cos i didn't notice their "chun zai" i've neglected wad's around me, let them get a chance to slip away... and now... i've lost everything!! Pls pls pls learn to see wad is around u and cherish them~ Somehow i missed him... badly~ His shadow keep flashing in my mind! yet i dunno wad to do.. just feel useless when he's sick i can't b by his side dun even got the courage to call him... All i can do is not to disturb him resting... And hide all the feeling within myself.... i also dun hav any ****** to b there infact~ Not gonna online that often anymore.. i nid to get a job lerr.. no more slacking! Aug going HK dun even know got money to spend anot~ i keep spending lidat... Mom bday coming! my bday coming! Go HK, Restock my lotion, shampoo stuff.... All money money money!! HAI! just spend $105 on vodka ytd when emo-ing, $109.70 on anime, $50 on mask~ GG liao lar! I'm going insane~ overspend this week no food for me! Maggie for the week!! i wanna work part time.. those job i found all is fulltime deeee!! 5/04/2008 05:09:00 PM

Recently, we seldom talk... was wondering is it all relation is like that.. tense to get very close and contact each other every min in the 1st place.. When got that relationship, the contact and communications reduce... hmm~ really dunno wad to do when he's sick.. it seems like he dun listen to me... or wan me to do the same thing as him... He just hide his feelings up as always... Hard to guess... Then it become lesser coversation with him... more with don and mystic... I wanted to chat with him... but was like out of topic.. or dunno wad time he's free~ I'm afraid to disturb him in studying or resting... always think of this end up didn't call~ i guess i really hav to get a job... Thus won't bug him too much~ i know this new chapter of my story also has no good ending~ or can say a fullstop out of sudden.. i'm prepare for that... i was like prevent myself getting hurts again yet.. wanna heal him and lubb him~ right now wished to hear his voice! Call or not? As topic "who will be the next prince come for the ugly toad rescue?!" And the ans might be the toad will hav to stay in her well for life alone! No prince will b there! Why today feel so emo and sentimental? body ache and giddy~ Hmmm~ Anyway went for the check up ytd.. was BLOODY painful! to think back it has been 5 years i go for those treatment.... it's not only wasting my time but money and pain~ sometime even hav to see the nurse face and attitude... 5/03/2008 06:32:00 AM

i feel useless!! why always when some 1 i love.. was sick or wad... i always unable to b there!! He sick lerr... i wanted go look after him deee.. but out time just crush... already told my mom tml go work lerr... today got to go check up... afternoon he got exam! i really dunno wad to do.. wanted to do something BUT WAD CAN I DO?! why am i just that uselessssssssss!!!!

I hate check ups.. it's just a waste of time and money... after this yr... i wont go for any further check ups! 5/02/2008 06:48:00 AM