Sigh~ another boring day! I guess i gotta start work soon~ I gotta stop slacking and rotting~ Well i'm not in gd mood for days.. Words from my mouth has been thorns everywhere! I dun hav the courage to apologize to my family members... I'm sorry!
When we was having dinner tgt, we had some chat~ To know something disgusting i've ate on tue night.. That night i ate very late so my rice already turned cold thus, i give my cold rice to my monster and get the warm rice.. To know that the rice in the cooker is for her and has been store for DAYSSS, a WEEK or so! WHAT THE!!! YUCK! PUI!~

Well that's all for today i'm tired going bed early tonight again =)
I missed him =(
I wish he knows =(
I wish to see him too =(
And have some uncounterable dates again =/ 2/28/2009 11:42:00 PM

lol! It's only afternoon, yet i wanted to drink that much! I feel giddy now~ Mayb is cos of the pills i took! My cousin gave me some bad headache pills and it's stronger than panadol, i guess.. I'm so tired that my eyes hardly open up and i've got no strength at all! Mayb i'm just weak~ Past 23 years i've nv anyhow ate medicine.. I dun really take panadol as well.. But last yr and this yr, i've been taking pills like nobody business! I myself know the consciences of anyhow taking pills without doctor prescription.. My mom stopped me, and scolded me for anyhow taking pills.. I just took the med and replied her "唉丫! 死不了啦!" and then lock myself in the room again..
This few weeks i haven been eating well, slping well! Infact i dun eat or slp unless i hav to~

i'm just simply tired of living! Really!! i hate to cry and digging much everday! My life is damn meaningless larr~
Anyway glad that Jin pick up himself.. He's is stronger than i am! Infact everyone is.. I'm indeed a weakling!! His birthday is on March! But i dunno when.. I dunno shd i ask him out again? Or shd i stay like this? 2/27/2009 02:17:00 PM

Why am i so complicated? URG?! I really wish, wish to know the ans.. Can someone pls tell me? I dun wish to drag on! I wanna settle down with him, just him! But love isn't something i can take the decision.. He haven online this few days.. Perhaps he's too tired due to his kuku work~ when i was in game i saw him online, i pmed him but no replied.. soon i check again, he was offline =(

How to show him the rainbow?
I wished we could go back to the days we trying restarting..
He'd bring me out at night for supper, for ride~
Can someone stop the feelings i having now, should buried within myself?
Head is bursting again~ But nvm i got my new pill =D
No more panadol!

I got a urge for movie.. i wanted ask him to~~
But he's too busy! After work shd b tired liao~
I also dunno how to ask him! I'm afraid it's the same ans..

or..... 2/27/2009 12:46:00 AM

Wed 26 Feb 2009:
Today, i had alot nightmare of him and another girl! It's so hurting! In the dreams all ans is the same.. I'm just a burden. He's just caring abt me that's y he can't let go. In the another hand, he already have a gf! I dreamt of i was in hospital! Anyway this afternoon, my house here hav big wind and rain! So big that we hav to close all windows! After the heavy and scary rain, There's a rainbow! I'm just lucky enough to catch it when i woke up my mom told me there's rainbow!

I've been taking alot panadol everyday! My headache is getting worst~ Now even gastric!! I keep sleeping and sleeping~


2/26/2009 01:25:00 AM

Aright! Today i dunno why am i easily agitated! I kind of pissed off with everything around me! Noise made me feel like screaming! Early in the morning, went market with mom.. waited jie & Yan for 2hrs++ Then we head home b4 we went amk hub.. We went restock food, monster's food, lunch and vaccum cleaner~ Mom spent around $300\- Then head home.. I having bad headache and mood.. Thus, i dun feel like talking or doing anything! Yan voice made me getting worst! End up i lock my room for not letting jie and yan enter~ So i'd able rest! And now i'm drinking!

Michelle smsed me today asking me to join them next week.. if for long time i dun mind just she just need me for 2 hrs! I then dun wan! wasting my time~ My mom also forbid me going there work~ I'M NOT A SPARE! I WON'T LET MYSELF BEING A SPARE ANYMORE!

L4d with a clan [Team Skypig] wahahahah they got owned!! =x

He's not online today =(
I'm poke by the flowers he gave =(
And it bleed =( 2/25/2009 01:01:00 AM

Eh~ I've been sleeping whole day.. Wake up and sleep! Today i dunno why i feel so empty? My monster has been naughty for days~ I wish to bring monster out with him soon! He's almost online everyday and chat with me in msn.. But we seems like got nothing much to talk! Why and when did us become so stranger?! My friend told me that actually he's also not sure what he wants.. We hav been patching and breaking for the past 2 yrs... And now we're still sitting around! How long more we're going drag? Wasting our youth just like that? When will us really settle down? If we're tgt what can i give him? Will i give alot nonsense again.. Instead of helping him relax, i add more stress to him~

To think back, for the past 23 years what have i done for myself and peoples around me? Beside throwing trumpet, eat, slp and play what else i've done? Any meaningful things i did for anyone?

Nothing came out from my head! Only word came out was "Regrets"
Regrets for creating unnesscery things for my mom & him!
Regrets is i have for myself! 2/24/2009 05:27:00 AM

I didn't slp then go to work.. Today wasn't smooth! Alot ppls and those ppls doesn't know what is que up! Make me kind of pissed off think what i got 8 hands? I cut my fingers twice~ Dammit! it's freaking pain~~~ Went home finish the show of dream catcher then went to bed~ after 2hrs+ of slp sean called me and asked me for l4d! As today is Fish last day playing l4d in SG...

Chatting with him on msn =D 2/23/2009 12:30:00 AM

Last night, my monster bite my bed frame.. =(

My friends going back to aus continue his studies =(

The other friend, clement busy with school work =(

When will i leave this place and give back his peace and freedom? =(

i really feel like crying right now~

Cos i feel that everything we did in the past means nothing to him!

I feel the heart breaks again but why?!

Sigh~ shall i drink tonight?

my tears start to roll down my cheek again ...........

2/21/2009 10:58:00 PM

Erm lazy to blog!

Ytd and today was the same i slept whole day. He came msn and find me.. Asking me to join some game heh! So happy larrr! Anyway i having bad headache~ i think i need stronger panadol~ 2/21/2009 01:20:00 AM

he kept his promise... He came but we didn't go anywhere~ Went to chill out at mac for an hrs plus~ Then he sent me home! He's so busy and tired yet still came down! I'm happy and contented but when we going part the feeling of emptiness is back! I really missed those days we playing acro! cos our r/s back then was the sweetest! Hope next time still able go out with him~ 2/18/2009 11:17:00 PM

i've think alot the whole night.. i slpt in the morning again~ His game nick fall4you! and the coldness towards me, sure got some meaning and tht's is he fall for somebody.. Mayb is the past! But after trying to get him back.. which is tiring cos, he'd seldom reply my sms or what.. Wont call me.. wont miss me either! I just someone who keeps bothering him that's why he can't help leting go of me.. when i keep pestering him! I'm just a burden to him! Perhaps i'm thinking and digging much again! But i can't help! No worries, i'm fine this time =D And i'd find something keep me busy again and put down everything~

Werid things is, i'm dissapointed but not angry! Is okay~ i've know it since ytd he didn't call me! but is ok! Really ok!~ i wont cry this time right? =

Or maybe i'd just accept any guy who hav feelings for me! Starting a new r/s is the easiers ways to let go! Is hard to love others but i might try! Cos i dun wanna b a burden!

sometimes i really wish to read his diary, so that i know his feelings, his trouble, his happiness or sorrows.. Even if the truth hurts me that much! i dun mind! Cos u r my qingwei. No matter how much hurts from you is still worth it~ i'd nv know anything abt him! and he'd nv know my feelings too heh! silly me again, he'd nv visit here!~ 2/18/2009 04:12:00 PM

he said he will cfm with me on tue.. Whle day i keep staring at my phone.. But no any msg or call from him~ and i sent a sms to him too! I guess he forgotten or fallen asleep! Awaiting for tml dating but was destory again~ I still hope he still rmb! Even if he did forget always nvm! Forget it!

And now! DRINING TIME! Emo girl gonna drink and drunk! And kill all zombies! Heh!~ 2/18/2009 02:40:00 AM

i hate it! Pimple and insomnia please leave me.. Far away pls! Well the flower is still with me.. When i see that flowers memories of him keep appeared! His gentle just like the flowers.. My mei said.. by looking at the flower she knows is from who! HA! I guess it already his trademark! I haven been contacting Jin cos i dun wanna hurts him! Dunno how's he now~ Sorry!

My mei got so many ppl woos! HAhaha Looks really matter~ Will he rmb tml dates?! Hope i can spend a full day with him tml~ We go movie, had sushi, shopping and at night we go chill out~ Just hope he got the time for me heh! 2/17/2009 06:48:00 AM

I didn't sleep whole night... went to work straight after my gaming.. manage to open my eyes big while working... when i reached home, i speed up my bathing and facial~ Then went to take a nap! However my monster wake me up! i wanted sleep early!! save money for my ipod alot new songs to hear~ =D

Well, i can't keep my eyes away from the flowers.. 9 flowers! But the~ My fav flower is not the rose but those purple flowers cos in the night they are freaking beautiful! As there's some white flowers that looks like tiny white rose! when day time you can't see them! Aiya i dunno how to describe larr~ Gotta see it yourself!! Cant wait wed to come then march... Got much more time to be with him~

*** why? he's treating me not bad but why am i still emo-ing, crying and drinking? Is it i let my depression over take me? i dunno why i feel heartache~ i dunno why i feel emptiness in myself?! URG! why am i so complicated? This song keep making my eyes wet~*** 2/15/2009 10:32:00 PM

Sat 14 Feb 09:
Heh! i slept in the morning 8am.. till 5.30pm~ Play L4d awhile with fishy then hurry doll up and rushed to orchard and wait for my prince... Heh! he got me flowers and Teddy dog! Every time he'd buy the flower to make me smile~ I dun like rose, but he always make me love the flowers he brought for me.. It's so beautiful that i can't keep my eyes away from the flower~ I guess no one would know me better other than him.. Not even myself~ i dun even know what i wan! But with him everything's different!

Thanks loads!! <3

btw thanks Ricky for the collection of the present~

2/15/2009 12:23:00 AM

Fri 13 Feb 09:
A lifeless day of mine 24hrs of L4D! until Jin called me around 11.30pm and said he's outside my door step... So i went out he passed me flower and card! It upset me~ cos i tot he know my mind and decision.. We just nv possible~ He came all the way just to pass me those~ I'm not the kind of girl who will appreciate these~ Only him! My prince nv fails to melts me~ After that, i continued with my game Received a couple of call/sms asking me out~ They r ppl i'm trying to avoid.. I dun wanna any misunderstanding.. So i find alot of excuses to push away the date haha! Anyway, i hav a date tml~ Will he surprise me this yr? i still dunno what to get for him other than chocolate~

i love my new friends Fishy and clement! They nv fail to accompany me play L4D!! Fishy and i makes a good partner with covering each other etc... Clement too! I hope we'll hav more game b4 i'm 24hrs on works~ Gotta go visit my babes soon!! 2/14/2009 06:54:00 AM

haha~ Today i had a very fun game with my friends.. Clement, fishy, mystical & Hurts. Is a good team! HAHAHAH! It has been so long i haven't have such a nice game already! Then 2nd round was with Luci! keep on changing hahah~ But also very fun!! brighten up my day! Valentine coming i'm broke! Gotta buy my monster a new bed soon! As i threw her ducky away~

When i login to my pet society, i saw alot present i wish was from him! And YES! was from him!! Happily reading those msg he've sent! Due to sleeping late recently, whenever i bend down or lower my head i could smell the blood again! Sigh!~ I'm dying soon!! Hoarry~ 2/13/2009 06:31:00 AM

AHHHH! i'm so sad today! i slept in the morning till evening~ My japanese friends not online again! Means got no fun game with them & no japanese class for me today~ But luckily i got some friends from Hk always asked me to join their game and create a lots of fun~ They kick my bored away! Somehow gets to know them more!! Next time go hk must ask them to bring me around!

Well yesterday, my mom made some balajian chili~ WOW! loving it!! Thx to my mommiieee~ =p

And what's my schedule for tonight? Same!! Drink, drank, drunk~

*i missed him~* but he'd nv know.................. 2/11/2009 11:46:00 PM

HA~ Another day have passed just like that... Well, gonna do the same thing everynight~ Drink, drank and drunk!

Saw him on pet society! Wonder what makes him play that boring game.. However i flood him with alot of present! heh!

I know he's online and have been hiding from me~ without me in his life is more colorful! I guess!~ Siyi DON'T bother him! No sms or call! Endure! Tears keep rolling down my cheek each time i talked to him, sms, msn or even worst missing him! I wonder when will my tears dry up for him? I hate to cry before i go to bed! I HATE IT!

*my dreams and everything shattered due to a girl named HurtsAngel! She ruined everything~* 2/11/2009 02:34:00 AM

Hurhur~ i've been playing games all day long! However, i gets to know 2 new friends who is japanese~ They have been correcting my japanese language however, i'm using rojak language to talk to them! They're L4D kakis! HEE~ always can't wait for them to come online and play L4D as well chat!

And now what i'm gonna do is drinking! I'm tired! i'm MiA-ing~ sorry for everything to somebody! Empty promise i gave! Is tiring to chase someone which is so far ahead of me~ When no matter how many miles i've run i still unable to see him not even his shadow!
Another person i wish to apologize is Jin! Sorry i really wanted treat you fair~ But i realise i can't really can't~ and i feel that is better to be friends in anyway.. I'm not a good girl nor a sweet girl! I'm not the girl you've been looking out for~ Cause i'm a SELFISH BITCH! who only care abt herself! My heart is full that i can't get any space not even for myself! I'm turning into a zombie! 2/10/2009 01:22:00 AM

ok~ i got nothing to post for today.I'm gonna take down what happened yesterday! Sat 7 Feb 09...

I was playing L4D for whole day until i forget Jin is coming to my house.. He actually waited for me for 2hrs+/-! He helped me fixing my stupid pc.. Within afew sec, he manage to fixed that stupid mic which i tried so hard still unable to fix it! Then accompany him for dinner... I dun hav any appetite so i just drank a can of coke~ Then we went to wait for bus 88! Chatted for around 45mins... He wanted to chill but i'm just not in mood! When i reached home i continued my L4D then Css i didn't slp for the whole night then went to work straight away~ stupid Rong buweed me!

Well, i'm having bad gastric, headache and mood~ i guess i drank too much alcohol recently till my liver is harden~ And i'd MiA for sometime again~ As i'm really tired of myself! Need some peaceful place to hide myself~
In life things we need not much~ But things we wanted is uncountable! 2/08/2009 07:40:00 PM

Wee!! Last night, i received a call at 2am++ It was him!! And after so long, ytd was the longest coversation we had! =D

Did nothing at home... On Sat i'm gonna start working at my uncle's place =D i wan more money! I hate to b poor!
I'm still having some bad headache, insomnia & losing appetite~ 2/05/2009 11:57:00 PM

Sigh~ another day slacking at home.. I wasn't in mood for anything~ But still met Jin up for dinner as promised! I dun wanna give empty promises thus i drag myself to AMK centre... Went for some restock and my monster's food! After that we had dinner at the S11. Jin thanks for your care, dinner and strength! =D

Another day of waiting~ Still get empty hands after waiting. No reply or calls from him! I dun hav any enegry anymore. I think i might slowly MiA from him again! i really tired.. Why? why does love and happiness i'm holding on my hands, disappeared when loosen just like that? Just a quick look, it's gone! totally disappeared! Why it has to be the hardest things to get in life! We human nv stop chasing after love, happiness and money!
When will i able to end this painful and hurtsful life of mine?
When will there b a fullstop in my story?!
I really unable to hold on any longer!
I know this feeling, and i hate this feeling
it's telling me i'm gonna break down soon!

Loving you is hard yet why am i still so in love with you?
siyi, when will u replace your drinking with love again?
why i dun hav the courage to end my life? why can't i overcome the pain?

Could someone tell me what's the difference between memories and pain?


2/04/2009 11:26:00 PM

A nice song, Fall for you which i wanna dedicate to Mr Mattias Low! (Haha! silly me again! He'd nv know...)

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find 2/04/2009 02:14:00 PM

i've been trying hard to get him back.. But either not replying my smses or returning calls.. i dunno how to get him back.. i really dunno cos i'm no longer what he wants/needs.. Seriously, i'm a negative girl. Which ever guy be with me is really tiring for him... But somehow 1 silly boy is going after me.. Did everything to please me or make me smile.. I'm having depression again that i kept drinking non stop, even trying to find ways to kill myself~ not only depression but also having insomnia tooo! i slept in the morning till evening! Nevertheless, i'll still hold on keep to him and pestering him.. until 4th April! If he dun rmb that day! i'd really give up.. If he ever come back to me, i will give my best shot to love him again! Let the past b past and stop digging it! He always woos me in a way that totally melts me but i took him for granted.. If this time it really comes, i'd promised to give him back that silly girl hide at home.. Trying ways to please him or make him smile! i'd try not to make any unreasonable troubles for him anymore!
He told me once "Do you think i will restart everything again with another girl when there's 1 girl know me and everything?" That's makes me think that it's habit not love! But this time, i dun care if is habit or love.. If just habit, i'll add love~ But it's something impossible!

Well, i always wanted to go club i wanted to know wad's a clubber's life! Tot i hates crowded place but i really wanna know that feeling.. What's makes almost all my friends falls in love with club? They would always says bring me along but i'm always forgotten/spare! Mayb they r trying to keep me away from dangerous place!

I'm always a SPARE
Extra!
from this worlds~~ 2/03/2009 10:40:00 PM

Sun 1 Feb 09:
After work, went home... So tired! but my pay for today was $220. Cos i got some ang bao from customer... Then Tracy and Joanne came.. We having steamboat! An early celebration for Joan! We drank and drunk! Playing games making 3 different kind of drinks with alcohol. There's 20% alcohol, 50% alcohol and 70% alcohol...
2/02/2009 06:24:00 PM