I've dreamt of him again~
WHY?!

I dreamt of he saying bringing me to disney land~
I have been keep dreaming of that place~
And in realistic i know there's no that kind of disney land~
The disney land in build under ground~
I just dunno why i always dream of this place~
Then~ o called and wanted tell him i've reached but he still on bed~
Then i heard his mom voice.. she said something make me couldn't stop crying and my heart feels so pain~ Then i realise his mom also dislike me
The next day i went to hav breakfast with my friends he also joining in~ So i ordered his food and he went to ATM withdraw money~
From the far distance, while he's queing for it, i saw his was on phone~
His phone kept ringing non stop~
And was a girl calling him~
i was going to aboard the cruise, he hugs me, kissed me.... hold me so gentlely, talked to me so sweetly~

I just dun understand why i kept dreaming of him~
And why must i dream of these actions in my dreams~
sometimes, shd say most of the time, he didn't fulfill the promises he made with me,
always appeared in my dreams~
And those dreams always fulfill the promises he made~ 4/30/2009 10:04:00 AM

i had sweet dream~
i dreamt of him, protecting me and bringing me to some beautiful place~
The dream is all abt him~
1st dream was:
some bad guy keep following me i was so scare so i called him~
He's on duty yet sttill rush down and sent me home~
2nd dream was:
He bring me and my family to beautiful place..
it's a ocean~ Very clear ocean~ i also dunno how 2 describe~

This shows that i missed him again?!
He even appeared in my dreams
i missed those days he drive me out for shopping, supper or even some ride~
without knowing where we heading~
Holding my small hand while he's driving~
Or looked into my eyes without talking~
Those sweet actions and words we'd do~
Suddenly i missed it so much~~~
Simply love those days with him~

But it'd nv happened anymore~ 4/29/2009 01:47:00 PM

i'm back~ and i'm drunk tonight~
LOL~ this time i feel better after drinking~
i bite my lip =(
Gonna hav a big ulcer =(((

Do euu know?
i always tried to do the very best for you~
Always keep the best things for u?
Last time i bare not eat those nice food just to keep for euu!
any gd stuff the 1st 1 i wanna share or gave is euu~
And this time~
Even it's tearing my heart~
Since i can't gave u that happiness~
I'll let someone else to love and give euu that happiness~
All i wan to see is ur smile and blissful~
My tears/love worth nothing~
i dun deserved ur love and pamper too~
I'm a failure gf: in anything~
I only wish in future the she could help me fulfill my wishes~
U'r my everything, but..................
I also can;t give euu anything~ 4/29/2009 04:43:00 AM



I've tried to keep myself happy~
But this 2 days i've failed.......
I'm getting more emo, easily agitated and flare up~
But i keep pressing down my feelings~
cos i dun wanna hurts anyone around me~
As if they owe me anything~



Headache, emo, and bad mood!
Is KILLING ME!!



I wonder is my girls out there doing fine?!
Haven heard from them for sometime~
From Nicole's msn greetings telling me that she's having a hard time~
But i dunno how to help~ I wish i can help her, or carry some of her burden~
I think i'll drink tonight for sure~



Hate this feelings!
I hate being emo!
I wanna be happy girl =(
gnitiawllitsmi even i know we'r impossible~
Why my heart so hard to stop beating for u~ 4/29/2009 01:56:00 AM

AWWW! i dunno why so emo~ 4/28/2009 01:24:00 AM

The 1st things i wanna say is

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY BK!!!!

Erm~ Today wasn't a gd day for me...
i dunno why feel so emo and easily agitated again~
But last night, had fun with Jun in l4d~
both of us in same team and 2 stranger~
Then we start bullying a kiddy~ lol~

Thx Jun for always stand on my side kp who's ever is kp-ing me~
or pissed me off~

He'll really ownage them even in same team LOL!!
After playing for so long, i think i really a burden larrr~
Will stop for sometime and rest~
But whenever i see jun playing alone i feel guilty!!~ =.=
Hopefully when i'm back my team still alive or i'm not replaced =x
And 1 more thing!!

Hope this coming sat, WE WILL BE ABLE MEET UP~~
i wanna hav fun with my team XD 4/26/2009 10:00:00 PM

Have been trying keep myself happy for a week?
And i'm happy! But suddenly today i feel emo again~
Emo emo~ pls dun come near to me~
Little dumdum is learning to be happy~

I'm coughing and having bad headache again =(
Today's blogging tittle is
Actions takes louder than words =D
Shows how much i love her, my Monmon monnn MONSTER!!~




4/25/2009 11:34:00 PM

the mouse i wanna get

the keyboard i'm aiming too~

this song is so meaningful*wanna dedicate to him*

从来没想过不能再和你牵手

委屈时候没有你陪着我心痛

一切都是我太过骄纵以为你会懂

一直忘了说我有多感动

我知道你还是爱着我

虽然分开的理由我们都已接受

你知道我会有多难过

所以即使到最后还微笑着要我加油

我知道你还放不下我

才会在离开时闭着眼没有回头

我们都知道彼此心中

其实这份爱没停过

曾经完整幸福的梦在脑海里头

我多希望你还在我左右

答应你我会好好过

不让这些眼泪白流

4/25/2009 01:29:00 AM

Hmmm~ just woke up, i slept in the morning~
OMG PANDA EYES & WINKLE!!! >.<
Finally i've finished fixing the puzzle XD

i wasn't well after drinking chiva, vodka, sake and milk =x
some how i... ii............
4/24/2009 01:26:00 PM

hahhahah~ i'm back for blogging~




4/24/2009 02:27:00 AM

=D I've changed everything on my blog
have been doing the stupid html till my eyes gonna drop out~
Keep redo over and over again~
Not only that, i even corupted my html scripting~
Almost ruined my whole blog =/

Finally fixed it...
However i steal the blogskin from some stranger =/
Just edit some html~ =p

Today, as usual... L4d, eat as much as i can, stay happy & slp...
Finally the feelings of missing him has decrease~
I guess time will fade away the love i had for him =/ 4/23/2009 04:58:00 PM

staying happy and positive, make me feels that i'm blessed! =D
Whenever i gotta force myself to remove him out of my life,
I'm not alone fighting with it!
There's always loads of friends with me, supporting me, encourage me..
Not only them also my family,
Just that i nv realise~

This time round i've nv said anything to my family~
My mom is like so pamper me~
Wadever i wan she asked me to get it~
Dun hesitate, else i would buy regrets again~
We used to be so independent on ourselves.
Whatever we wants in life, gotta get it ourselves~
Is the very 1st time my mom paid for my beauty~
Perhaps it has been many times~ Just that i nv realise =/

For the very first time i tried to remove him in my life, i got salt, bk~
For 2nd time, i got terence, Monkey and company~ =x
Then Jin,
I tot those friendship could last forever but it was just a period of time.
I'm contented~ Cos they fix those missing pieces of my life.
Who knows i bcome closer to Luci~
And now, i've got jun, clemmy, skypigss.
having them is enough for now~
Sometime we barely talk but at lease i know i'm not forgotten in their friendlist =D
I blessed with my friends around~


Jacky *Luci*
Jun
Clement
Rong
Miko
Nicole
Tracy
Joanne
These are my friends whom:
i wanna thx them!! A million of thanks for being my friends of my life, creating such a sweet memories in my life~
Beside thanks i dunno what else i could say...
But,
Thanks
Thanks
Thanks x1000000000000000
I only wanna cherish wad i hav on hand now~ Cos i wont know when they'll slip away again~

Lastly, i need a sentosa session with my monster & family or friends =x
Or a lan outing soon XD 4/22/2009 01:36:00 PM

Trying to be happy - Day 4! *i'm happy but yesterday i'm some kind or emo, Gd things is i didn't touch any alcohol!!*
Trying to less flare up - Day 4! *Hmm~ i think i haven been throw trumpet since i fall sick till now ba*
Trying to put on weight - Day 4! *Everyday 1 litre of milk and trying not to waste any of my food! Kinda tiring but i'm doing for the sake for myself~ So i got no choice yay! My mom said i've grow fatter abit le =D*
Trying to let him go - Day 9! *Hmm~ i know w/o me pestering him, he feel much peaceful! When i knew this kind of feelings hurts again >=( but somehow i still feel his presence. Everywhere i sees, it's still his shadow.*

Just woke up not long ago and had a superb big packet of chicken rice, and 500ml of milk~ >.<>.<
BUT i'm lazy to move my ass!
Hmm~ i know i'm far too early to blog cos i dunno if at night will i be blogging?
As kinda tired this few days =D

I'll change my blog link after tml night..
sorry for the trouble~
flesymsievahietahylnoeht.blogspot.com 4/21/2009 02:18:00 PM

hmm~ wasn't a gd day for me~
Before i wake up, i'm in my dream land~
I dreamt of him again~
Somehow this dream seems so true~
i wet my pillow with tears while i'm sleeping~
And wake up with tears covering my face~

I still tell myself i gotta continue being happy~
Still trying hard~
Had my salad for lunch and dinner~
No matter wad i do, i still missed him badly =(

i dunno what happened to my eyes lately,
is like keep black out~
Out of suddenly i can't see anything~
i sees nothing but bright white vision~
Can't even see my hands~
But after awhile back to normal~
soon, will get very bad headache straight after that~ 4/20/2009 07:13:00 PM

Trying to be happy and less flare up - DAY 2! *hmm~ not bad! GANBATTE!*
Trying to put on weight - DAY 2! *still trying hard to squeeze the food in my stomach*
Trying to let go of him - DAY 7! *still missing him constantly*

Today i went to work~ Superb tired!
All i hav in my mind was him!
When i'm carry things with plastic bags, i'd think of he's care and nag~ *still feels sweetness whenever i think of it*
When i mention i wanna work in F&B line, he forbid me! Cos he scare i can't cope and too tough for me *Why all his care suddenly flashed back when i'm trying hard to put everything aside?!*
I just dun wanna forget everything we did! And i know it's impossible to forget!
But i got no choice to put aside! *it just so damn freaking hard!*
Whenever i'm doing shopping, i'd still think of him carry my bag, items, carrier so i'm able shop freely~
Where ever i go, is all our memories~
Whatever i do, it recalls back our history~
Mayb he already deleted/forgotten everything we did together~
To me, it's still with me!~

And maybe if i didn't blog down my feelings~
He'd nv find out~
And.........
Maybe this wont happening now........
at lease there's still 50%
But now it's 0%......

Conclusion:
should i stop blogging~
But it's already a habit of mine!
It flashed back on what my mei said~
Made me realise actually she's right!!
I blog just get ppl's attention especially him!
I blog just wanting someone to pity on me?!
which i can't find the answers for blogging?
My blog was alive just for euu sillyboy.
But now, wad's the pts of continue blogging?!
can someone tell me?
i wish to get away for a period of time~ maybe 1 or 2 years? or maybe forever~
Until i'm able to face myself, him, realistic, our love and our history!~
Staying at the same place, seeing the same things.....
Memories always flashed back~
That makes me heartache, cried and start to qns myself why is this happening when we were so in love?
Maybe when i returned, i see him with another girl or already married and hav his own family
i might not feel any heartache anymore?
I simply hate the heartache whenever i know he's with any girl~ 4/19/2009 07:30:00 PM

i'm so in love with cough syrup XD
iwannaputonweight!
PUTONWEIGHT!PUTONWEIGHT!PUTONWEIGHT!

Will try to banned myself from drinking till June~
Meantime will be trying my best PUTONWEIGHT!
I'MFREAKINGUGLY! LOOKLIKEBAMBOO!! lol >=D
But i'll chill if any special even! CHILLNOTDRUNK =D
I'll learn to be happy! I WANNA BE HAPPY ON THIS YR BDAY!~
AND I WILL!!! *will he rmb my bday?!*
haaa~ Trying hard larr~ gdlucktomyself!

And i'm falling in love with korean songs too XD
here's a song~
which i used to love while playing audition with him!~

Only You
Can I just look at you in this manner?
Holding your hands to a faraway place
Both of us have dreams
Just living in dream

When I think of you, my heart beats faster
Can I walk with you wherever you want to go?
Oh Baby, Can you please return to me?
You’re the only one,Whom I can spend my future with.

Please to not sigh,
I only have eyes for you
Your voice stays within me, never disappearing
I couldn’t bare to do anything

When I think of you, my heart beats faster
Can I walk with you wherever you want to go?
Oh Baby, Can you please return to me?
You’re the only one,
Whom I can spend my future with.

Only for you, I can give up everything
You are the only one,
Whom I can spend my future with
Hold me and tell me that you love me
And that you’ll stay by my side forever

You’re my only love, and I love you dearly
Oh baby, can you please return to me?
You’re the only one,
Whom I can spend my future with 4/18/2009 05:18:00 PM

Finally,
feel better for chilling =x
Have been gd girl for aweek plus~
haven been enduring not to drink~
But when i'm fine, i start to think of him again~
wonder wad hav he been doing lately... drinking? busy? emoing? having fun?
the main thing is i missed him! wish i gets to see him so badly!

After drinking 1 cup of vodka, i realise my throat dam pain!
And i think i'm in love with cough syrup =x
Cos it can stop me from thinking, emoing...
And strong enough to KO me!
Not only that, i'm able to rest well~
Without having alots of things on my mind when i'm abt to slp.....
i had a sweet dreams last night~
I dreamt of my family + him went to korean together~
We was sweet like b4~
I really wish not to get up~

Last night, i said something very hurtful~
When my mom asked dua ya pek.
I'm sick for so long why haven recover~
Before she finished her sentence, i tsk at her~ *feel so bad now*
Then i know what ah pek will do~
I straight away said no need...
then i continue
"I this kind of person die early the better."
I've trying to kill myself or make myself collaps,
always never success~
then Ah pek replied, not time yet.. even if u want,
The hell dun wan u! LOL!!!
I guess so. I this kind of person no one will wants
No one wanna keep either
even hell also BANNED ME!~

If i would die,
I'd have die when i'm in her tummy.
i'd die when i'm a baby,
i'd die in that accident when i dash out of the road,
i'd die on my heart failure,
i'd die for drinking too much alcohol,
i'd die when i'm abusing myself,
if only i'll die, i'm already dead
But why am i still alive?

i feel like making everyone hate me, dislike me.. especially him~
i feel like throwing everything i hav away~
i dun wanna hurts anyone...
i'll just give everyone who love me hurts~
i dunno what i'm trying to do either~ 4/18/2009 03:03:00 AM

Had a bad day today~
Got in some conflict with Elites team..
And also jie...
She with them ah change alot.. like so fake!

But nvm lar not my problem..
dun care too much~
less problem, less conflict...
If she dun wanna talk 2 me.. is ok de..
anything!
Since she got them is enough le wad~

YEA!! i'm going cruise soon XD
i can't wait to get away for afew days
i wan eat and eat non stop
to put on weight!

FREAKING HATE EVERYTHING!!
i'm more petty than anyone so dun ever dare me =x
Gonna abuse my medicine XD

4/17/2009 12:26:00 AM

Hmm~ i'm still sick~
Today, mom drag me to a salon...
had my hair color & reborn =p
Spend $200 on my hair but mom paid 3/4 of it =x
I returned to her but she dun wanna take... she ask me to keep to myself~

Tml mom gonna accompany me to sim lim... I wanna buy the mouse ProClick V1.6
And i notice my pc got some problems lately...
Gonna save money le just incase pc spoil~

After sick for a week and more,
i realise i lose alot weight!!!
i wanna gain weight!
I lose weight till so scary...
Not only clothe cannot wear even my *** also cannot wear~ so loose!!!
WTH!!!
And like wad mom said...
so skinny until my mouth seem like SOOO big! lol!
I gotta put on weight!
i wanna b prettier not uglier~

Here comes the emo part:
i wish to stay sicky everyday,
Cos i won;t hav any energy to flare up, talk w/o brain, drink, think, play or emo.
What i'll do everyday is take my med and slp.
It's like 24hrs glued to bed
Hardly lose my temper or emo.
No matter how sick i am, he'll nv care abt me anymore.
And i hav a feeling that we'll get more and more gaps inbetween us.
soon or later, we'll totally bcome stranger..
Someone who used to b that close to me, now turning into a stranger
The feeling is drifting apart, Kills the love
which i dun wan it to happen!!
But somehow, somethings is beyond our control!

I can't control anything but myself..
i'll recover soon
i'll get use to it...
I'll lose him forever, Infact already lose him since 18months ago~
What i can do now is to stay happy for u & them!
Torture myself wont make any different~

The person who hurts you most is usually the one closest to you.
Words shoudn't be hurtful
Use it to say I LOVE YOU!

If i can make a wish, i wish i hav the power to hold back!

I shall post some picture soon =p
I'll learn to b happy just for u! 4/16/2009 01:53:00 AM

I'm still very sicky~
Today worst, no energy at all~
Like dead jellyfish eh~
i kept sleeping and wake up~
cough and cough like there's no tml..
till i vomit blood =S
So scary.. i was shock to see it too~

I nv know cough can make vomit blood one..
fever on and off too~
Wanted consult a doc but i didn't go =x

drank alot water, ate alot vegetables & rubbish
Still as uncomfortable~
But at lease i can sleep without him enter my mind
Still dreamt of him =S

Faster end my painful life!! 4/13/2009 06:56:00 PM










4/12/2009 10:20:00 PM

i spent whole day thinking~
Ur decision is close friend to be.
i've decided to respect his decision as i dun wanna give him any pressure.
At lease we are not stranger.
Just hope i'll nv be forgotten.
No matter who he choose to be with, i'll give my blessing.
Rmb the Bunnie we made tgt with our heart? there's still heartbeat.
And i'll nv let the heartbeat stop.
Bunnie, just wanna let you know you'll always live in my heart and life that no one can replace.
Let our memories live within us forever "Sillygirl will always be with Sillyboy"
There's already a end but i'll still waiting~
Cos i'm already used to wait for Mr bunnie.
Jin told me that "It's worth waiting for someone u love"~
Now i understand the feelings~
I've used to wrong method to love him.
Instead of giving him love, laughter and sweetness.
what i gave was troubles, worries, unhappiness, stress and a nuisance.
i'm not a good girl like what u said~
For now the only thing i can do is stop bugging him~
I need to go our romantic place to buried all our memories, heart and the tears.

i;ve been single and waiting for him for the past 2 yrs
And i dun think i'll ger involve in love for a long period~
My dream only him could fulfill~
So my broken dream can't to amend anymore~
I gotta get a new dreams... That's erase every memories & pains i had~
我接受不了多一個創傷..

I need to overcome this feelings~

Slept alot today as i'm very sick..
sore eyes, had cough, fever. flu, sore throat & no voice....
But still wont collaps!
Nothing to hold me back!
Both pillar collaps, so just i'm holding on myself alone!
trying hard to stop pestering him or find him!
No more sweetness for sillygirl~

To Her:
U know word spoken cannot b taken back?
the words that u used r like the past me~
Full of torns...
we won't be enermy nor that close anymore~
cos i'll retreat and draw a new line from euu~
my blog is not for ANYONE to pity me!
But to record my life!
i'm not gonna wake up from my dreams
continue dreaming and getting hurts~
is already part of my life! i'm used to it!
u dun hav to help me in anything just like what u say is i'm the 1 choosing the path!
u shd also know the feeling that is beyond our control~
the path we can choose, the feelings we can't choose~ 4/12/2009 02:28:00 AM

had a day at game haven again~
But my team only i went and everything was different so i cancelled the outing with my other friends....
Saw ludi and his gf there XD
know afew more friend XD
we lost the match =(

But today was so blue~
I was so down...
Received a email for him~ since then i call him, he nv pick up or reply my sms~
Is like the last msg b4 we gonna left me~
I guess he really decided to let go and dun wan me~

why whenever i feel that he is going to dun wan me, i feel so weak and helpless?
i wanted delete him from my life~ yet i bare not~

I wish i hav the power to take away memories no matter from myself or others... & able to read others mind....
Cos if i could i'll take off all the bad memories and read his mind~
so i'll know what to do~
How to save this boat i'm on~
This boat is gonna collaps soon~~

~ pugnivigoslam'i
. flesymtubmihniton
. mihtuohtiwgnivilfosseltniop
. doyouknowinvwannaburbestbuddy?
. iwannaburgirlthatu'dlove~
. usaidurselfishbuti'mmuchmoreselfishthaneuu

happy things is now then i knw he have been secretly caring for me~
all these while, he hav been reading my blog too~ 4/10/2009 10:31:00 PM

Had fun going out with my piggy friends~
When clement smsed me i'm still on my bed~
when he told me that he's able to go~
and then i jump up and get rdy...
hahah~ Met them at central MRT..
Been to game haven..
Though is expensive but still hope you guys enjoyed and love the place~
=D

Can't wait for friday outing~
The bad news is i 4get take picture >.<

Emotional parts:
Somebody get me a LV handbag~
i'm still consider if i wan it~
cos..................................

i wanna depends on myself to get things i wan~
i dun wanna ppl talk bhind my back~
i know they love me but i return them with heartbreaks
which is beyond my control too~ if i can think b4 i speak/act i also wish not to hurt ppl who love me

i hav friends to shower me cares~
i hav family to shower me loves~
Just that i dunno how to appreciate!
Friends hav been brain wash me and stuff
and told me that i'm lack of confident in myself~
they told me i deserved someone better just that the time is not here yet~
Right now i guess i dun need!
cos i dun wanna hurts anyone nor myself~

Between me & him:
Well, i guess is time to get over...
i rmb when i went out drinking with my guy friends
he was so angry~
and we had 1 week of cold war and let him consider wanna get back into r/s anot~
But when he does the same to me~
he'd nv know how i feels...

i wanna used back the same words he used to said on that day!
I'm not a fool! I'm not gonna b a fool anymore~
Like how i used to be.. wadever u did to me i dun mind as long as he love me~
But now he dun even love me anymore~
Everything from him was just words but nth else~
He'd nv keep his promised to me~ but to others he does~

That time he still told me when he got his pay, he'd bring me to genting on this mth~
He also said bring me go overseas on march..
But going to be middle of april~
What i get is still awaiting for miracle~
No matter how many disappointment i'm still waiting like a fool!
waiting for someone whom u loved is miserable! It's time to get over sy~
愛情只是多於的創傷..
so why i wanna give it a chance to hurts me?
Lucky he dun read my blog and nv find out my pains~
that's makes me able speak from my heart of how i feels

Well i'm gonna change back that girl again~
Everyday going out with different friends and know more friends~
i wanna forget abt this love~
i wanna try to live without him in my memories, heart, mind & life!!
all i think abt for now is how to shorten my life as early as possible~
also not forgetting to enjoy myself!

His msg is:
Loving someone is easy but to be loved in return is hard! fuc*ed up!
now i agree...
cos no matter how much effort i've put in he'd nv see/knows~


that's all for today i'm very tired...
-signed off- 4/09/2009 12:32:00 AM

Organising a outing~
on this coming friday, 10 april 2009

We'll meet in the afternoon 1pm at dobby ghaut MRT station.
Going lunch then heading to lan for match with Elites team~
Erm~ then we going for dinner and talk cock mean time will be waiting for the rest of my friends to join in~
Then heading to game haven!

PPLs who cfm going:
Jun, Clement, Sean, myself, miko, and her friend, elites team~

not cfm list:
jt, secret, jacky =x

still trying get more ppl to join us~ whoever plays l4d wanna join us let me know asap!
Hopefully there wont be anything crop up and hav to cancel again =S



There's no calls or anything from him since 4th april~
and he also didn't make up too~
ha~
i'm being forgotten!!
he's so busy as always~
since i got the answer le~
so i must try to let go!
i'll see how long i can avoid him...
i dun wanna feels miserable again~
i've lost everything~
left with sicky life
could someone kill me pls........................ 4/07/2009 05:43:00 PM

i dun wanna to get into any conflict again~
i almost used words to hurts someone again~
infact i did hopefully she didn't see it~
Thus, i've removed my tag box...
i think the better way is slience~

i think i'm gonna lock myself up again when i'm at home..
like wad i used to do~
Keep quiet in everything~
Less talk less arguement~
let myself calm down!

i wan that sy who is not easily flare up~
i wan that sy who wont use words to hurts anyone~
i wan that sy to come back again~

say wad u wan~
do wad u wish~
wadever i do always hurts someone~
so, just stay on a corner..
and make sure no one gets near to me~

lastly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR NICOLE!!! 4/06/2009 08:33:00 AM

Alright~
Times up!!
A quiet aniiversary!
I've got ur answer... thx~

from now on~ i'm gonna live in my own world~ gonna shut my mouth again!
yrcannawnudi.
etahroevolrehtiesi.
meht&mihetahotwohtub.
evahietahylnoeht.
flesymsi.




4/05/2009 01:23:00 AM

today IS OUR ANNIVERSARY!
thou we r not tgt ler~
But do u know i'm still counting?
Nvm u'll nv know~

i didn't slp whole day
made sushi for him~
end up i'm feeding the sushi to the rubbish bin!!
Last night he was supposed to join us in the party~
When i reached, i kept waiting till i went home~
Means i've waited from 11pm ~ 3.30am!
No matter how late is ok i just wish he'll appear
but still, is another disappointment~
I always prepare for disappointment~
I knew how the ending will be...
But i'll still cry~
And tell myself nvm, there's alway next time~
but the very next time i'll still get the same thing!~
I didn't blame him either
cos i know how busy he is..
i only blame myself and hate myself
for loving & need him that much~

He made me cried on Miko and Nicole birthday celebration~
Disappointment one after another~
this time is still A SPECIAL DAY!!

When i reach zouk! Everything to me is like WOW~
It's my 1st time there!
Ha~ So i can't help but keep staring @ how ppl dance, club, high and so on~
As promised,
I didn't drink alot infact only 2 cups, the rest all green tea!
Mom and Mei keep asking me not to be drunk!
I know u all care! But can i hav my own freedom!
i know wad i'm doing!
When i reached there~ Received call from nee
START SCOLDING ME FOR NOT FEEDING MY MONSTER!
i said i forget as i'm late I FORGET RIGHT!
she keep scolding and nagging non stop!!
MAKES ME CRY AFTER THAT CALL!
i quickly hold up my tears i really dun wanna spoiled the atmosphere~
still sms me on the SAME THING!
At that moment, the 1st think comes to my mind is I DUN WANNA GO HOME~
I WANNA RUN AWAY!!
but to where? i got no where to hide or go~
At 1am i wanted go esplanade alone..
as i know i ruined the atmosphere there~
But too crowed~ so i continued stayed at phuture...

Not long later, i joined Deniece and her friend to another place of zouk!
after awhile, we went home~
Thanks for the ride =D

I wished i would disappear from this world~
I simply hate everything..
i've been trying hard and not to give up and being positive!
i failed again! But i'll continue trying!
Until i really cannot take it~
i think i'll really end this painful life!~

I belongs to no where!
when will i able find a place for me to hide forever?!
Just me and monster will do!

i dun care wadever things u guys gonna talk abt me!
i dun wanna know anything~
i really tired! let me be pls~
i know i'm old enough but still as CHILDISH!!
i know u all care but NO MORE NAGGING!
i know both my sisters do read my blog as well~
I guess i'll change my blog link soon~

cos i just dun wanna them to know wad's happening to me in my life!
i dun wanna anymore misunderstanding~
i dun wanna them to dislike my friends
i DUN WAN THEM TO STOP ME GOING OUT WITH WHOEVER i wans to!
thou u all nv say anything BUT ACTIONS speak LOUDER THAN WORDS! 4/04/2009 07:27:00 AM