Alright.
I'm supposed to be happy.
Cause i received the letter and i'm going back to school.
But!!!
Is not the course i want.
Why is it so hard to get into digital animation?!
They offers info-com.
I'm not interested but after listening to my mom.
i won't miss the chance to study.
Spend more years to get into the course i wanna go for.

I dunno what to do.
i really wish i could get into digital animation =(
So stressful! i hate stress to core! Seriously!!
He just dun and never understand me...
sigh~

I know i'm still a cry baby.
all i know is cry.
Not only that i'm also TIMID. 12/29/2009 01:39:00 AM

After a few days of fairy tales which made me superb happy,
i'm back to who i am.
Carrying the feeling i always had with me.

i was superb emo ytd and today.
i dunno why either..
Just no mood to do anything.
Drinking seems like make my mood worst.

Had movie today with jie and jun.
Back home cook 4 them.
Kaka dinner was the most expensive dinner~

The stove was spoiled.
But my stubborn mom... i dunno wad to say~
Wanna wait till the whole house burn down then she'd change?
or anyone in the family get any injuries or any worst thing to happen
then she'd regret!

I might b sensitive
but i just wanna protect my loves one...

well, just leave me alone for now....
cause i really in bad mood! 12/27/2009 08:23:00 PM

After so many things happened to me.
I realize how import they are to me.
And i also feel that i took alot of things for granted.
Like my jie. @ times i cannot stand her character.
But when things happened, she's always the one to help us up.
In anything, everything.
And we've neglected her as well.
Didn't really feel that she need us more than we need her.
i really take her for granted.

When nee's still hospitalize.
She the one running up and down,
complaint as well as check on her.
Really did take good care of her.
And what i did? just hide myself..
i guess my jie is tired.

So many things she need to handle.
Her own family matters, her naughty daughter, our family.

But jie i wish to let you know, here always welcomes you.
you r still part of us. and we love you in heart =p

So from now on. i make sure i wont take her for granted.
I'd love my mom, jie, mei, monster, yan and .... =p
wont take them for granted =D

I'd change for better.

Anyway, i got the best xmas presesnt this year!
It's a LV wallet =P
Simply love it alot!
Happy until i so speechless.
All you can see now is my smile!! =D 12/24/2009 10:57:00 PM

Thanks for the concerns and care.
Especially him. The call last night really console me alot.
I didn't know he still care about me & my family.
And that means he's still reading my blog even thou i haven't been updating.

Keep thinking how have he been...
Anyway i guess i don't need to worry about him.
Cause i guess there someone out there will take care of him.
Shower him care and love.

I think i should step back for now.

Now i got more important task.
that is...
taking care of my mei.
No time to think and worry about others.
I guess is a good time to try letting go and stop worrying about him.
He doesn't need me anymore anyway.

And I'm half collapse.
Very sick. Keep falling sick.

Difficulties in breathing, Heartache, Cough, Fever, Flu, Gastric.
No matter how pain and miserable, I'll still move on.
But I'll complaint alot =p
Guess my pig hav to endure with my nag and stubbornness. 12/19/2009 03:54:00 PM

Before i gets any chance to cherish my family,
My mei was admitted to TTS hospital.
I can't help her in anything but to stand aside watching her in pain.

Feel really helpless & useless.
I prayed. I've been suffered from all this pain.
And i'm used to it. I wish i could help her suffer.
She never been suffer from any pain like that.

Watching the doctors and nurse.
taking her blood for test.
watching the needless insert into her flesh,
my heartache. couldn't breath.
As my tears covered my eyes,
i turned my back. i dun wanna let her see that.

Last night, she went for surgery around midnight.
I couldn't rest well.
Keep thinking if she's afraid?
No one beside her and stuff.
And when i woke up heard that, There's a tube on her nose.
i didn't even hav the courage to visit her.
But worried her at home.
Hope she coming home soon.
I'll make sure i'll get her a cosy place to rest.
Cook for some healthy diet meals...

make sure I'll take good care until she's fully recover.
Get well soon nee~ 12/17/2009 07:12:00 PM

Sigh~ it's 4.36am now.
I can't get to sleep. Tml working how am i able to cope.
Anyway i think I'll stop working after this december.
Hopefully this time i really able get into the course i want.

Study for the better.
So i could get a job I'd love.

Wanted show him my concern & care but i think better not.
Just buried in my heart like how i buried my feelings and love for him.
Sometimes I'll still wonder how's he doing.
Did he get any upset/unhappiness?

So much worries.
But i got more worries about my pig! =p

Somehow i really wish after waking up, i could go back to the days days whereas i'm still a little girl.
There's not so much worries, all i need to do is Study, eat, play and sleep.
If really can turn back the time,
I'll make sure I'll make full use of my life.
Study hard, learn everything in life.
Not gonna miss it again.
Also love my mom a lot.
If everything can restart.
I guess my mom would give me/us a better memories and life.
Until now then i start to love my mom.
Really really love. It's beyond words could express.
But i dunno why i always show the wrong actions.

Whenever i fall in my life, she's always the only one to be there
hug me. love me. pamper me. make sure nobody could bully us.
No matter how much she dislike pets, still let me keep my monster and goldie.
When we r sick she'd always be the 1st to nag as well as take care of us.

But i guess it's too late to realize.
because I've hurt her far too much.
No matter how time heals or wad i do to amend,
The scars remains.
Invisible injuries is the most painful also the hardest to heal.

And she's already in her age.
i only got @ most 60yrs more to love her.

No matter how much i wish to love,
i dunno why, i always unable to show out.
I really afraid I'd regret some day.
For not doing what i wanna to for her.
Every months i gave her money but the way i passed her was like unwillingly.

Gosh! Pls pls pls.
let me love her. Not only by my heart also my actions and attitude. 12/16/2009 04:35:00 AM

Starving for daysss.....
eating expired bread right now LOL!

i Really sick of my F**king life.
Whenever i wanna treat ppl around me gd..
i dunno why i'd always show a attitude...
but deep down i cared so much...
her words really hurts me...
the i realize how much i hate my face, expression!

i didn't mean it.
Fuck.. i just hack care..
i wont request anything from them.
That's my character.
U can say anything behind my back..

Gosh! when can i really end my life?
i've tried almost everything to torture myself.
Still dun hav the courage of end my life with pain like
jumping from flat, stab myself and stuff.

Sometime i really envy those ppls who r able to commit suicide.
Cause it really need alot alot alot of courage. 12/10/2009 11:40:00 PM

Everything can never be the same anymore.
Last time no matter how trouble he is. i'm able cheer him up.
But not this time.

However, we still manage to maintain this friendship =D
i'm glad that when he's troubled, he'd came and look for me.
chatted for a few hours.. Even i can't help in anything except giving silly ideas & nagging.
Can't even get his smile. His smile really fading away from my vision.
The moment i saw him. i knew there's too much things for him to speak out.
Alot of things in his mind, far too much that words/action could describe for him.
I dunno how to make him laugh.
I could only wish upon the lucky star used to shine on us to give him my luck or shd i say our luck we used to hav.

Seeing him behaving this way. I've lost my words, feels as bad as he does.
He's unhappy cause of the car. i'm unhappy cause of he's unhappy and troubled.

This was my very first time he didn't send me up in the middle of the night.
I know i gotta be independent and i left w/o turning back.
Hope the special one dun kill the smile he had.
And hope our lucky star fairy appear and grant him what he wants.

Thanks for the ride, the treats, and the gifts, i really appreciate it =D

i dunno why sometime i still feel jealous of the girls who is close to him.
Yet i dunno what is the thing i'm jealous about. 12/03/2009 11:40:00 PM