These few days was so busy with god stuff.. However today shd be a happy day.. Celebrating my god birthday.. But i was being punished.. Reason was i'm not serious enough!! How serious do they wan me to do? If needs to be punish, all of them have to be punish too... Is their fault.. Didn't give me a timing.. Everyone have to wait for me.. IS NOT MY FAULT!! i can say out loud that i didn't do anything wrong.. Thus they dun have to rights to punished me!! i was so angry.. until i'm mad... But weird things is i bang my head againts the wall hard but i didnt got bao bao on head.. @ that time i tell myself if wanna punish me, kill me right away.. And please kill it with my soul.. I dun have to be reborn again.. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE MY LIFE!! I put in so much effort yet i got all this craps.. Those uncles doing hypocrite things but they didn't got any punish..If without my mei force the door to unlock, i might do something more crazy things.. Just dunno y, when i'm very angry i will do something i dun even know.. It's beyond my control..

Dear, thanks for your console & coax.. I will not treat you as my chu qi tong if wan, i will only nag n nag non stop.. =X The others which will hurts u, i wont do it infront of u.. i will only do it to myself.. & dear if 1 day, i really not in this world with you... U can be sad.. U can cry as hard as you can.. but after crying must live strong for.. Live for a part as me.. Which ever dreams i wanted, couldn't make it, you help me fufill... Don't forget me! As i wont let u.. Even i dun have my soul, but i'll be in your heart.. Get another happiness, with my luck & blessing.. Just keep me a side of your heart will do... Just wondering if i were to leave, will i be missed? Will i be remember? Will everyone cry for me? But @ lease i know you, my mei, my jie & mom will.. Yan will only find me cos she's still young dunno wad happen... So in future, must dote Yan for my behalf... Those words i wanna let you know just incase it happen... Cause no kidding if you dare a god!

("v") At this night, i wish you were here to clam me down.. Hugging me tightly.. sayang me.. This is wad u will always do when i'm down.. Even i put all my anger on you.. U will still smile @ me & say sorry la dear dear dun angry k? =D Come hubby sayang~ All these words & movement, clam me down... Love you as much as my hate for myself ! Dun hate yourself cause i dun wanna you to be so miserable like me... ("v") 4/19/2007 11:09:00 PM