I felt that i wasn't a good girlfriend of his.. I'm alway asking so much from you yet when i think back what have i done for him? I'm selfish i know it! I certainly do! I always find those feelings & things i lack of from my childhood and wants it from him... I realise that I'm a nasty, bad, inconsiderate, not undestanding girlfriend... I've been searching for those feeling i lack for in the past but i didn't know what i really needs or wants... Yet i keep asking for more & more... Maybe those feelings & things i wanted of needs, is just around me just that i didn't make the effort to look at things which/who close to me.. Searching it far away yet it's just right infront of me... Perhaps he's tired of me... Our relationship getting blant... It's tasteless for me... What have happen to us... I dun really know... Recently, i was sick... so weak! Because of it, it torture me! I cant eat my tibits or candies... Awww~ Today, my god told me that if i wanna get well, must faster learn... If is this case i rather sick! Keep on sick till i no need to work for them nor myself... Is better if i've lose all energy.. just sleep all day another died... Cos i'm sure i will be the happiest... Cos i lost the most miserable & torturing feeling as a human... But i didn't want my mom to be sad for me! Time faster move on.... Faster end this miserable times........... You know? i feel like drinking this few days but i wasn't feeling well and later i have to visit my heart doctor.. Thus, to aviod, i didn't drink......

8/28/2007 03:15:00 AM