19 nov 2007
-------------

today meet QW at PS~ i was late for an hour cos i over slept LOL! when we reached there, had lunch or can say it's my dinner.. then we went shopping around brought the things i need~~ saw a adidas jacket~ gonna get it! I SWEAR!! wanna get more jackets~ especially pull over! then we went find his watch... i'll try to get u a watch for ur xmas present~ Then we went to slack at PS mac... until was abt time to meet bk & salt... I wasn't talking much hands were shaking like hell... feeling so weak~ then watched the show game plan... the show was nice... it's abt fatherly love~ i'm kind of jealous.. i was crying for the whole show.. actually i'm finding excuses to cry i guess~ After the show, they rushed to toilet.. How can i so careless! never check if i did check b4 we left~ salty won't lost his wallet~ URG! WHY WHY WHY!!! i just nv able to help him do anything la~ if not cos i wanna watch movie he won't lost his wallet! b4 he realise he lost his wallet, we were on our way to supper.. Smsed nicole... told her alot of things then found that she's in the same situation as me.. she broke off with her bf too~ mayb we really shd meet up to keep ourself update there's so many things i wanna tell her~ i smsed her telling some of my problem until i cried in his car.. HE SAW IT! HAI~ so emo~ after getting back to find his wallet that wasn't able to find it! we went back to hav supper... i dun feel like eating so was drinking~ Then i insist on treating that supper! FINALLY i'm able to pay~ Then he send us home.. i reached hom straight away drink le.. Drink until dead drunk~ pissed him off again! URG! why am i always do this to him.. i dunno wad i told him I JUST CAN'T REMEBER ANYTHING I'VE SAID!!! saw his sms was like o.O he had enough of me! mayb i'm too sensitve~ Being with him i wassss REALLY HAPPY & COMFORT! cos i have never got a person care that much like he does! but i was~ URG!

("v") dun abandon me! dun leave me alone~ i dun wanna go back to loner life! I wanna u guys as my friend always always always~ or i can say my brothers? i wish i can call u that but can call u kor~ I'm just hopeless, helpless good for nothing~ Why am i aways so failure?! Why am i here?! why am i'm born when i hate my life that much?("v") 11/20/2007 09:26:00 AM