Hmm~ so many things had happened... why whenever i almost let go something must pulled me back to where i was? Hmm~ i dunno where to start abt wad happened recently... I just feeling very down & emo.. Wanna cry but my tears just dun wanna drop... Why am i so fake? Why i've changed into somebody i dun even understand myself.. I've not only lost the feeling in him & also lost the strong old hurts... I tried to understand myself but~ it failed.. i dun even know wad i doing... Just numbing myself each & everyday~ Wanna be quiet place~ I'm back to where i was... Yesterday i drunk, called him.. or he called me i forget le haha~ then he said will bring me out for breakfast at 6am.. He was here! Driving me for breakfast end up still had my breakfast at my house nearby mac... We still the same.. Non stop bicker! He still the same.. That gentle, caring.. like i was protected... After breakfast, we went to refill oil of the car.. Then he passed me $30 for me to eat... LOL! like last time... That understand me.. When he fetch me home i asked him drop me off at bus stop but he insist.. he wanna fetch me until reach my door step.. When at the stairs, he hugged me~ I burst out my tears and wet his shirt.. Those tears are like my words... Wadever i wanna say yet hardly say out was all in the tears... Then went home, played css awhile then went to slp... Sometime i really can't stand my jie... URG just pissed me off in many ways... I hate going out with my friends & family together is like abit spoil mood~ Wadever u do there's a pair of eyes will look at you~

To him:
Will i be the one again? Will you pamper me like before again? Or will me make me cry & heartbreak again? Can i be in ur arms forever? May i be you baby again? I wished yet i'm afraid of falling again~ I'm no longer that sillygirl of yours anymore... I've no courage in love... I have no strength anymore~ I can't run anymore~ That brave, strong, happy girls of urs already dead.. Now i'm just a dead girl.. My heart is dead~ I dunno when will it alive back~ I do love you but the feeling between you and me had already gone... I really in dilemma dunno which way to walk~ I know you will never come here find out wad's happened to me~ I hav so many things to tell you.. But when i saw u... i could speak anything just feel like crying.. Those tears are just like my words for you~

("v") Breathless... Dun feel like drag on anymore.. dun wanna move on as well... could some 1 carry me and move on? I really tired le... Like lonely said.. I've given up myself! Everything to me was like so heavy! ("v") 12/14/2007 10:31:00 PM