haven't been blogging for a couple of days... alots of things happened but i'm just too tired and exhausted to bring it up...

Have been dreaming of him for 4 days in a row.. And all of them is bad dreams.. can't recall much... But some part i remembered very clearly...
"i dream of him going out with me out of sudden he received a call from a girl, he ditch me aside and rush to her... and i was standing there alone at no where! I actually dreamt wad would happened on my this year birthday.. he drive me out late night... He kept teasing me to and dare me to take public transport home.. so i ran off with tears and purposely avoid him while he's chasing me back... somehow he's still able find me back and drive me to his house.. In his house i found alot things was so different... Was in dilemma on checking him.. end up i didn't and fall asleep on the desk.... the next day i woke up, saw him holding a girl is his arm and told me that she's his wife.. he got married afew weeks ago.. he didn't invite me or let me know... Cos he dunno how to let me know" at that moment, my heart was shattered... The worst things is i can really feel the pain while i was sleeping and the dreams was so real that i woke up with tears all over my face... he's the guy i want for my life but i may not be the girl he wants!! Why do i still want a future with him? Why am i still awaiting for something impossible?
i wan him to hug me while i'm slping... Before i goes to bed, he would help me cover my blanket and give me a gd night kiss on my forehead lastly, he would say gd night & sweet dreams.. It's 1 of our memories on my 20th birthday! i missed the old us.. i wanna settle down with him why is that so hard to achive? i really feel like taking alot sleeping pills and slp without waking up!! I really wish to end my life~ i hate crying REALLY! i hate myself so much without him! DAMMIT!

I hope Miko and Nicole is doing fine... But at lease they are better than me i guess.. I'm jealous and envy abt them cos......... they are strong and able to handle things properly.. Unlike me keep falling for the same holes... 1/22/2009 07:00:00 PM