okay i'm drunk enough to tell my story....


i've a bad childhood! Being a crybaby, i almost get kill by my dad when i was 3.. the one who saved my life was my elder sis. she was half asleep when my mom wake her up and said "i'm going die" She stood up and shouted at my dad "LET GO!" And so he did! Both my dad and mom wanted to kill me so much i wonder why~ *i know i'm not loveable* When i was in my mom stomach swimming, she's tried all kinds of ways to get rid of me.. But when i was born, i had alot of illness and had to stay in the container for 6mths in order to survive..

Since after the incident, my mom decided to divorce with my dad.. When my dad was beaten up by some guy. It was my mom and us to look after him on those days.. Reason being beaten up was the 3rd party's family... "that girl" However when we moved out of that house, my mom took her 3 daughters with her without a single cent.. Not even the money from the house! Since she had married him, she didn't get or spend a single cent from him.. That day, when we moved out, "that girl" was at my house siting on the master room bed watching us moved out.. And my dad didn't hold back my mom nor us but he said something "The stupidest things is bringing up kids.. and to bring those stupid kids up i think you (pointing at my mom) hav to b hostess or Prostitude." without a single word my mom took us leaving that house. And we've been moving from house to house... From my aunty after another. Eventually we went to my grandma house... i was always getting the scolding by maid, aunties, uncles or grandma.. By then my mom was working in a factory of "APPLE" So by the time she reached home, we was sleeping when we woke up she's already in the factory...

2 years later, we moved to a shop called Econ minimart.. We stay there, eat there, played there... The place was like not more than a house when in the middle of sleep some cockroaches will crawl over ur body or so... But at lease we had proper meals everday and $2 of pocket money.. We only ate Mac once or twice a year.. When in school, we always wore my sis old school uniform 1 after another, the bag we carried was thrown away bag by others... i started to steal money from the cashier and brought new bags, wallet, pencil case, pencil, pen and so on for myself and my younger sis.. As soon as my mom know, for the 1st time she warned me 2nd time throw me out of house 3rd time almost chop of my hands with a knife but ended up she use the knife and poke into my flesh of my palm! And so if anything went missing my name could heard everywhere in that family! I'll get scolding form everyone! When i didn't do anything thing! I'm not loveable, everyone hates me that i always seeking for attention! Wanted everyone to acknowledge me!

As we grow older my mom notice that we need a proper house to stayed in and so using her hard earned money she ran a room flat from the goverment and after a few years she brought us a house *the one we staying on now.* The money she used was her hard earn money.. Sleep at 1am and wake up at 5.30am to cook and sells! As time goes by, my secondary life was nothing to worry abt.. i study without my mom worrying.. until i'm sec 3 i knew a guy called Chee kwang.. He almost separate me and my family.. My mom even wanted commit suicide cos of me & him! he's the one took all of my everything and create the word "REGRET" in my dictionary..

When i realise i had enough of his toying, i took my courage and left him.. 2nd person who entered my life was Jeff. He's a nice guy and everything.. He gave me everything i ever wanted.. No matter how expensive it cost. He always put me infront of anything and because of him, my life changed.. One day, my heart problem getting serious that if i dun operation asap i'd die in 3 yrs or 2 or may b even 1. His patience and love touched me and so i went for the operation. Oh! forget to mention i wanted to end my life since 7. When that day of my operation, he skipped school and even exam just for me. When i was on the way to the operation room i was so scared and lonely when my mom is working no one came to visit me, console or calm me down.. And when the nurses is pushing the bed toward the exit, he rush in and said "sorry dear i was late." As he continued the guard don't let me in as it was not the visiting hrs.. And so he walked with me to the operation room. On the way he told me to be strong and he'll be always there at the door to wait for me... i smile as my tears was falling off my cheek.. He wiped and said "you'll be okay if not will join you in hell! Wait for me else make sure u'll wake up!" When i had a 6~8hrs of operation he didn't go to school for exam.. He was outside the door of the operation room and pray without eat or drink nor go to the toilet.. When he sees me exits from the door, his tears dropped from his eyes and ran towards me.. I can't rmb as i'm still in coma.. The Nurse and my mom told me that! When i asked him he still denied.. When i opened my eyes i saw his smile and my mom was around me and asked how am i.. My mom asked "what i wanna eat?" i replied "KFC!" She nv hav extra money for me to eat that all the time.. That's how i fall in love with "KFC" and know the love my mom had for me...

When i've recovered, i turned into another person that my temper was bad x100 and got nothing i could think of.. I was nasty towards him and everyone as if the owe me a life.. He did almost all of my housework. All i did was gaming and he'd look after my diet. He even cooked my fav food and always get a cup of water to put beside my computer. Soon his effort turn into dust and i fall in love with his close friends... Reason i dunno why too! what i could think of was he always pushed me to him when we're in some quarrel.. One night we quarrel and he ran off leaving me with his friends i keep waiting hr after another.. Until 1am i gave up and his close friend sent me home. That the day my heart died for him.

And thru "ARCO" i knew Mattias. I was a Priest in that game and he's a bard! There's so many priest yet i'm the 1 he request for help! Our story begin.....

We've been close since then.. He've join my pinky butterfly guild and always be there for me.. There's one time he said "i like you" Back then i teased him.. Like me as in? "What made us look alike" i asked.. He said "is the kind of love not look similar!" I smile~ At that time i'm still waiting for Jeff to get me back as he promised.. After mths i gave up and decided to gave Mattias a try... I've been naughty towards him as always.. He wooed me for a long time before we together and get me the BIGGEST teddy bear i've ever got which cost him $400 bucks... that was Cinnamonroll! We've been together 7 mths and i realise i couldn't be fair to him cos all i hav in mind is Jeff so we broke off another reason was our charaters!

After a year, i'm still single when i heard Mattias had a girlfriend i was so heartbreak! But still gave him my blessing hoping he'll get his happiness.. Soon after i heard a news that breaks my heart even more that was the girl was toying him! And i promised myself i'd woo him and protect him from any girls that wanna hurts him.. Cos it's all start from me! If not me he'd be happier.. "if i'm still with him"

He rejected me 3 times and i gave up.. start to treat him as a close friend of mine.. A SPECIAL ONE! A month later we start to meet more often, he invited me to his friend chalet.. We reached there, we went for cycle and when he sent me home, he rest on my shoulder.. I'd cried secretly. Suddenly his arms around my waist.. But still i kept quiet.. When in the lift, i hugged him with my eyes wet.. He asked "why what happened?" i smile and replied "nothing." There's 1 day of the 2 movies, when he sent me home, he held my hands.. i looked at him with tears what this means? He questioned me back "what do you think" my 1st impression was maybe god sister and bro? he said "i only hold a girl hand when she's my girlfriend." My tears start rolling down my cheek and hugged him.. Using all my strength to hug as hard as i could and cried..

We hav been sweet for 1 year and 6mths even he's in NS i've waited him.. without talking to any guys! We met once a week or 2.. Soon bad things came towards us.. He showed cold shoulder on me.. Being late or even not coming for our dates.. Reason being he's tired or sleeping! i was waiting all the time.. And getting bad to worst. Soon he dun even pick up my calls or reply my smses. Not just a or 2 days.. it's from weeks to months.. He didn;t know i'm always waiting for his replys or calls.. Mayb he's afraid of i'd throw trumpet on him again.. End up i received disappointment after another.. He had been holding on whenever i wanted a break but that day he agree to break.. My heart broke into pieces.. His reason was wanna concentrate on his career as a police.. And told me when he got a better saving and everything he'd woos me back and proposed to me!

Day after day, week after week, month after another it has been another 1 year and 6mths.. i;ve been waiting but nothing came.. Even when our anniversary he had forgotten abt me.. i booked a chalet and planned to forget everything.. By the time getting toward 12am it's 5 April... Still got no calls or sms from him, before it reached 12am, i was in dead drunk.. That's the 1st time i create nonsense by drinking too much alcohol! When i woke up i saw a guy was so closed to me and i pushed him.. He asked me to look clearly "IT WAS HIM!" my heart scream within me. I hugged him! And asked why are you here.. If that day he's not here i might b with anothet guy now~ But rmb of what he did.. i wanted to treat the way he used to treated me.. i dun care abt him in the chalet! But still he shows all his care and everything and even clear up the mess in the chalet with me! The 1st time he proposed to me at some wulu place.. Asking me to marry him! Without thinking i said "NO! i hav my life now i dun wanna get marry" 2nd "Regret" written in my dictionary!

After my birthday i didn't gave him chance to love me! i Was freaking nasty towards him and after my birthday he went MIA of my life! He had gave up! And i continued drinking non stop day after another.. We always meet at incorrect timing. Until now we're still playing hide and seek... I hope for another miracle! Will our story b a tragedy like those books i've read? If the answer is yes, i wish to disappear in the story and his life~ I gave myself 6 years Or if he marry another girl, i'd like the story of "You are here!" Leave him forever and gave him back everything! 1/30/2009 11:28:00 PM